


I Wanna be Selfish for You

by ViolaQuartermaine



Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: Anal Sex, Angst with a Happy Ending, Friendship/Love, M/M, Slow Build
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-27
Updated: 2015-10-25
Packaged: 2018-04-23 13:58:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 32,905
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4879498
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ViolaQuartermaine/pseuds/ViolaQuartermaine
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jensen and Jared met in college when Jared was a freshman and Jnsen was a senior. They became fast friends and Jared fell head over heels. He wrote Jensen a letter explaining how he felt and gave it to him before graduation, and never heard from him again. He'd always assumed that Jensen hated him and moved on with his life. Now twelve years later he goes to physical therapy after shoulder surgery only to find that Jensen is his therapist. He's not sure how to react seeing his former crush, not that he should care since he's dating Matt, but one look at Jensen has him reverting back to freshman year.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first attempt at a multi-chapter fic, as well as a J2 fic, so please everyone bear with me. I was inspired by a reblog of something I saw from Tumblr. "My favorite college experience is when I had a 7am class and the kid next to me literally poured and entire Monster energy drink into his coffee and said "I'm going to die," and drank the whole thing" The post underneath said "Pick an OTP and imagine them meeting like this". So that's exactly what I did. J2 is my OTP besides Wincest, but that didn't really work for the situation. I love them to death, I don't own them and I certainly don't mean to defame their characters or any others in any way, I'm just here to have a good time. Hopefully you enjoy, and let me know if it doesn't suck!

Jared struggled as he tried to park his car in the parking lot of the doctor's office. He wasn't really supposed to be driving with his arm in a sling, but he didn't have a choice. His boyfriend Matt was out of town again on business, and his few friends he felt comfortable enough asking to be his chauffeur were all working. Besides he didn't think it would be this hard to drive with one hand. As it turned out a lot of things were hard to do without the use of his left arm and hand. He finally managed to park the car and headed into the office. He walked up to check in with the receptionist, a friendly looking young woman with red hair.  


"Hi, I'm Jared Padalecki. I have an appointment with Dr. Evans to discuss physical therapy for my shoulder."  


" Oh Mr. Padalecki. Some one was supposed to inform you that there was a change in your case. You won't be dealing with Dr. Evans. He had a little accident, his son left some toy cars at the top of the stairs, he slipped on one and fell down the whole flight. He's ok, but he's ironically going to be doing physical therapy himself once he's out of traction. So you'll be working with one of our newer therapists. Let me show you to a room."  


She led him down a short hallway to a small examination room. He sat down on one of the chairs to wait. The receptionist turned to walk out.  


"If you need anything my name is Felicia and I'll be right down the hall."  


"I think I'll be just fine Felicia. Thank you." Jared flashed her a bright smile.  


"You're very welcome. Dr. Ackles should be with you shortly."  


Jared's smile dimmed a little and his heart started racing. _There's no way. It can't be. But Ackles isn't exactly a common name. And how many physical therapists could there be named Dr. Ackles? Calm down Jared. You don't know that it's him. What if it is him? I'm going to have to get a different therapist. I can't work with him after what happened. Or didn't happen really_. Jared took some deep breaths and wiped his sweaty palms on his pant leg. He heard the door starting to open and as the doctor entered he jumped up.  


"Jensen!"  


"Jared. I thought it was you. I saw your name on the file and figured there's probably not a good chance I'd meet more than one Jared Padalecki in my life," Jensen said smiling.  


"It's good to see you man," Jared said, shaking Jensen's hand.  


"Yeah you too. I'm sorry it's under such crappy circumstances. I tried to keep in touch but..." Jensen trailed off.  


"It's ok. You were in grad school. I know how hard you were working and how busy you must have been. I didn't exactly call you every week to hang out either."  
"So I guess we're both assholes huh?" Jensen said with a nervous laugh.  


"I guess so."  


The two stood in awkward silence before Jensen spoke again.  


"Well why don't we have a seat and you can tell me what's going on with your shoulder."  


Jared sat on the table and Jensen pulled up a seat next to him.  


"I read in your file that you had surgery to repair your rotator cuff, but there wasn't a lot of detail about the extent of the damage. It must have been pretty bad to require a surgery like that though."  


"You know me, I don't go half way on anything. It's kind of an embarrassing story. Let's just say it's on par with Dr. Evans' car accident," Jared said sheepishly.  


"Well we have a few weeks together for me to pry it out of you. I'm going to want to see you at least once a week for about two hours. We'll mostly work on range of motion stuff in the beginning and then move into rebuilding strength in your arm. Does that sound ok?" Jensen asked.  


At this point Jared probably would have agreed to anything considering the state he was in. The anxiety over seeing Jensen again had been replaced by the same nervous fluttering in his stomach that he always used to get around the man. _Geez Jared, you're thirty, almost thirty-one years old and you're acting like a teenager. He's your doctor not your prom date._  


"Yeah that sounds fine. When do we start?"  


' "Can you come in the same time next Tuesday? I don't know what your work schedule is like."  


"I have my own architectural firm. Well really it's mostly just me. I was working for a bigger company but I wanted to branch out on my own. So right now my schedule is open."  


"That's awesome. I'm really proud of you Jared. You made your dream come true."  


"Not quite. I still haven't designed something that I've deemed 'art' but I'm working on it."  


"I'm sure you'll get there. You were always talented."  


"Thanks."  


Jared was quiet, surprised at the compliments Jensen was paying him. The other man seemed to sense the tension and spoke up again.  


" Well that's really all the information I need to get from you today. So I guess I'll see you next week. Unless, do you want to grab a beer or something tonight? You know to catch up?" Jensen asked.  


Jared was even more taken aback by the invitation. "Uh yeah, sure. How about Wallace's Pub at 9?"  


"Sounds great. Here's my cell number. I'll see you tonight, " Jensen said turning to walk out. He turned back around and smiled. "Hey Jared, I'm not happy Dr. Evans got hurt but I'm really glad I'm going to be working with you."  


As Jensen left the room Jared let out a large sigh. This was not going to a good place. How does he still have that effect on me? His heart was still beating a mile a minute. He had the same feelings he had twelve years ago when he met Jensen for the first time.

 

__**Twelve years prior  
**

Jared sat at the drafting table toward the back of the room, staring out the window. He was lost in thought and didn't notice that someone had sat next to him. He glanced over and saw his new neighbor pull the lid off of his coffee and pour an energy drink into it. He opened his mouth in surprise and the guy turned to him and smiled.  


"I know, I'm going to die. My heart is probably going to stop. But it's been a rough couple weeks."  


"The semester hasn't even started yet," Jared said.  


"I know."  


Their conversation was interrupted by the professor, a petite short haired woman dressed in jeans and a flannel, starting the class, and making first day introductions.  


"Welcome to Art 107. I'm Professor Rhodes. I want to get this out of the way now, I know many of you are only here because you need the art credit. I understand that, but I'm not going to grade you any easier than the art majors. And I promise you will gain an appreciation for art once I'm done with you. For our first day we'll start with a simple assignment. I want you to pair up with the person next to you and discuss art. How much do you know about it? What do you like? What don't you like? Why are you here? Then we'll talk about your first project."  


Jared turned to his partner and took a good look at him. He'd never really thought of men as beautiful but this guy was beautiful. He had blondish hair and freckles all over his face, as well as the most beautiful set of green eyes Jared had ever seen in person. And his mouth...well Jared could picture that mouth in quite a few places on his own body.  


"You ok man?"  


"What?" Jared said, breaking out of his reverie.  


"I'm Jensen," the beautiful stranger said, holding out his hand.  


Jared shook his hand. "I'm Jared."  


"Well Jared. Are you ready to discuss art?"  


"Sure. Um...do you like art?" Jared asked awkwardly.  


"I don't really know. I don't not like art. I just don't really know what I like I guess."  


"So why are you taking this class?"  


"I'm one of those people who needed the art credit. I'm a senior, and with my internship it's the only thing that fit into my schedule. What about you? You seem like the creative type."  


"I don't know about that. I wouldn't say I'm an artist. I like art. I like drawing," Jared said, feeling himself start to blush.  


"What's your favorite thing to draw?"  


"I don't know. People maybe. Or buildings. I love looking at the architecture of old buildings and trying to get a sense of their character. Especially old houses. I like to picture what the people who lived there were like. I've toyed with the idea of becoming an architect and I think I'd like to be the type of architect that can design the type of home that expresses the client's character like a physical representation of them. I want people to look at the home and know exactly what that person is about. I'd like for one day something I design to be considered art I guess."  


Jensen had listened attentively through all Jared had to say. "Sounds like you're an artist to me Picasso. You definitely know way more about art than I do. I'm more of a math and science type of guy. I'm going to school to be a physical therapist. Right now I'm interning at the local high school in their athletic department. It's a lot of taping ankles and icing knees. Not much art, unless you count the face painting, which I am pretty good at. Go Bobcats!"  


Jared started to respond but was interrupted by Professor Rhodes clapping her hands to get the classes' attention.  


"Alright, hopefully you've gotten to known each other a little bit because you're about to spend more time together. As some of you know I'm a big Brad Pitt fan. And while I was watching Se7en the other night I had an idea for your first project. For your first assignement you're going to partner with the person next to you to make an artistic representation of one of the seven deadly sins. It can be a painting, a sculpture, something abstract, a photograph series, I'm giving you free reign this time. As long as I look at your project and can clearly see the sin expressed, you'll get a fair grade."  


"Looks like this is right up your alley partner," Jensen whispered.  


" I...yeah." Jared said tensing at the feeling of Jensen's breath in his ear.  


Professor Rhodes held out a basket for each partnership to pick their sin out of. Jensen reached his hand in and fished out a paper. He unfolded the slip and read it before tucking it into his book.  


"Well which one did we get?" Jared asked.  


"Lust." Jensen said wiggling his eyebrows.  


Jared swallowed nervously. "Yeah lust could be good. When do you want to start working on this?"  


"Why don't you come over to my apartment tonight when I get home from my internship? We can order a pizza and start brainstorming?" Jensen suggested.  


The thought of going to this good looking stranger's apartment and being alone with him had Jared slightly flustered. He pulled himself together to respond.  


"Yeah sounds cool."  


Jensen handed him a slip of paper. "Awesome. Here's my address. I should be home by 7. See you tonight Jared."  


Jared watched as Jensen walked out the door. He watched the way his jeans clung perfectly to the curve of his ass and down his cute bowed legs. _I'm in deep trouble,_ Jared thought, scooping up his books and heading to his next class.


	2. Chapter 2

The first thing Jared did when leaving Jensen's office was call Chad. He and Chad had met as roommates freshman year and lived together all through college. They had moved to Austin together when Jared had got an internship with an established firm there. When Jared had moved out on his own a couple years before it had been like the end of an era, and he admittedly missed his crazy roommate and best friend sometimes. He was always the first person Jared called with big news, and this certainly qualified as big news.  


"Chad. You're not going to believe who I saw today."  


"Was it Paris Hilton? I hope it was Paris Hilton."  


"No I didn't see Paris Hilton."  


"Tom Cruise?"  


"No! I didn't see anyone famous."  


"Was it your mom? Because I gotta tell you Jare, last time she and I hung out, she was looking good. I mean she was..."  


"Chad I will cut your balls off if you don't stop talking about my momma like that. Now would you shut up and let me tell you what happened?" Jared said exasperatedly.  


"Alright, who did you see today?" Chad asked, chuckling to himself.  


"Jensen."  


"Jensen like Jensen Jensen? Jensen Ackles? Jensen I love you more than anything I want to have your babies please let me tell you in a cheesy love letter only to have you never speak to me again Jensen?"  


"Yeah. That Jensen."  


Chad blew out a breath of air. Jared could picture him leaning back on his couch, hand behind his head, scratching at his spiky hair.  


"Well fuck. Where did you seem him?" Chad asked.  


"He's my physical therapist."  


"Isn't that an interesting twist of fate. I told you not to get that surgery man. You woulda been better off living as a cripple."  


"Yeah because that was such a realistic idea. But seriously dude, what am I going to do?"  


"My suggestion would be find a new physical therapist."  


"Well he's filling in for the guy I was supposed to be seeing. So I don't know how possible that's going to be."  


"That sounds like fate to me JPad," Chad said. "Maybe this is a good thing. You always wondered what happened all those years ago. Maybe now you can find out."  


"Maybe," Jared replied quietly.  


"How did he seem anyway? Like was he weird?"  


"No. He seemed normal. He apologized for not keeping in touch. Then he asked me out tonight."  


"What?! He asked you out? How could you not lead with that information?" Chad exclaimed.  


"Well not asked me out out. He asked if I wanted to grab a drink and catch up."  


"What did you say?"  


"I said yes. He gave me his number. I don't know about it though Chad. I don't think I can do it. It's one thing to have to see him at my appointments, but I don't know if I can hang out with him like old times."  


There was silence from Chad's end and Jared thought he could hear the sound of a beer bottle opening. He was about to call him out on it when Chad spoke up again. "Maybe it's worth it though. I know you got pretty hurt, well devastated over the whole thing, but you guys were pretty close for awhile. I'm not saying I want you to replace me with him as your best friend, but give the dude a chance. Anything could have happened to that letter. Fate pushed him back into your life for a reason man."  


Chad Michael Murray wasn't always the most sensitive of friends, or the one with the most tact, but Jared could always count on him to be brutally honest when it counted. That coupled with his fierce loyalty to his friends was one of the reasons Jared loved him. That and the fact that he could drink anyone under the table in a game or going shot for shot. That quality had gotten him out of some tight spots with overly friendly patrons at the bar Chad owned and worked at. Jared remembered a particular instance when Chad had challenged a pushy suitor that if he could drink three shots and a beer faster than him, he had to lay off Jared or never come back. The big man had guffawed at the skinny blonde and agreed to the challenge. Minutes later he was shaking his head in disbelief looking from the half empty beer in his hand and Chad smugly wiping his mouth. He had indeed laid off Jared, and actually Jeff Morgan had been the one to recommend Dr. Evans to him after his surgery. Funny how things work out.  


Jared sniffed a little at the irony of the situation. "You might be right. I guess we'll see what happens. I just think maybe tonight is too soon."  


"Are you going to cancel on him?"  


"I don't know," Jared said, knowing there was a 89% chance he would.  


"Yeah sure. Well when you do pussy out, come by the bar and see me. We're running a special, $2 cosmos for dudes who are little bitches."  


"Sometimes I think you're turning into such a sensitive guy in your old age. And then you say things like that. Good to know you're staying true to who you are," Jared laughed.  


"You wouldn't have me any other way and you know it. Seriously though, come out to see me if you want, but I think you should go out with him. If not tonight, at least soon. If anything at least he can take your mind off Matt being gone again. Where is he this time?"  


"Philadelphia I think. It's hard to keep track. And it's getting harder. A girl has needs you know," Jared began, teasing Chad, knowing how uncomfortable he got hearing about Jared's sex life. He could talk shit with the best of them, but once Jared actally got into detail, he'd blush tomato red and stammer like a child. "Last time we Skyped I had to pull out one of my toys and..."  


"That's enough! I don't need that mental image. I need to go start setting up to open. Good luck with your date you perv. Text me later."  


Jared chuckled as Chad disconnected the call. It was fun to mess with him, but the words he'd said were true. It was getting harder being away from his boyfriend all the time, and it was becoming harder to distinguish if he missed having Matt around or if he just missed having a boyfriend who was around. He'd always been the type of guy who was in love with being in love or at least the idea of love.  


When he'd met Jensen he'd had a few hookups under his belt, but no real relationships to speak of, save his girlfriend Sandy in freshman year of high school. Things had ended after a few months when he came to terms with his sexuality. She'd taken it rather well, stating that it was no blast to her ego, she just didn't have the right working parts to keep Jared interested. She has actually tried to hook Jared up with a friend of her cousin, which hadn't worked out the way they had hoped, but Jared was grateful for the experience at least for giving him a better idea of what he didn't want. Jared had had fleeting attraction to a few guys over the years but didn't feel like he connected with them on any level other than physical. Jensen was the first guy he met who he was physically attracted to but could also picture having a relationship with. The first time they'd hung out he'd felt an instant connection. They found they had a lot in common which had only made Jared more attracted to the older man.

 

_**Twelve years earlier...** _

"Hey you made it!" Jensen said opening the door to his apartment.  


"This is a great place, how did you luck into it?"  


"My roommate Jason lived here last year and the guy he was living with graduated, so he asked me."  


"That's awesome, I'd kill to have a place with a kitchen right now, or my own room," Jared said wistfully.  


"Roommate troubles?" Jensen asked.  


"No, Chad's great. He's just got...a lot of energy. Sometimes I could use a little time alone to decompress that's all. "  


"Yeah I hear ya. Well come in, I'll give you the tour."  


Jared stepped into the apartment into the living area, which mostly consisted of a big screen television and a big weathered looking couch. Jensen pointed out the kitchen and led him down the hall showing him the bathroom and his roommate's room.  


"And that's my room," Jensen said pointing at the door at the end of the hall.  


Jared wondered if he'd get a chance to see what Jensen's room looked like. Not in a sexual way of course, he was just curious what kind of things his new friend liked. They walked back to the living area and Jared sat on the couch. Jensen headed into the kitchen.  


"Do you want something to drink? Soda,water, a beer? "  


"Water would be great thanks. "  


Jensen walked over and sat on the couch handing Jared a bottle of water. Jared took it gratefully and tried not to blush when their hands brushed against each other. He looked down and focused on trying to find something in his bag. He pulled out his sketchpad and a notebook.  


"So I thought of an idea, you can tell me if you hate it, I don't know how good it is..." Jared began nervously.  


"I'm sure it's better than you think."  


"Lust is usually defined as intense sexual desire, but it can also be described as an overwhelming uncontrollable craving for something. I thought maybe we could ask some people what they lust for, and then we create some kind of graphic or drawing for it and put it all together in a book. And since we'll be using different people and different ideas, maybe we could use mixed medias too, that way if you don't feel comfortable drawing maybe you could take some photos."  


"You encouraging me to take lusty photos Jared?" Jensen asked with a smile.  


"I..ah..no, I just," Jared stammered.  


"Relax. I'm kidding. I think that's a great idea, and I appreciate you thinking of a way to get me out of drawing. I think it will be kind of fun to get people's perspectives in it. I'll ask Jason when he gets home later and maybe Tom and Mike,they're the other guys in my internship program. But this is a good jumping off point. Why don't we just start with us for tonight? What is the object of your lust right now?" Jensen asked.  


_You._ Jared thought. _Your mouth.Your fucking freckles. Your sexy bowlegs._  


"I'm not sure," Jared gulped.  


Jensen laughed, "Well I'll let you think on that. Do you like sausage?"  


"What?" Jared asked swallowing .  


"On your pizza. Is sausage ok?"  


"Oh! Yeah it's fine. I love sausage. I mean I...that sounded weird."  


"Don't worry about it man. I'm going to go order the pizza, when I come back I'll tell you all the things I lust for. See that sounded weird too," Jensen said walking into the kitchen.  


When Jensen came back Jared was sketching something in his book, he sat it down when he saw Jensen.  


"What were you drawing?"  


"Nothing really. Just some abstract ideas. I believe you were going to tell me what things you lust for before you left," Jared said changing the subject.  


"Ahh let's see. What do I have an overwhelming desire for? I love music. I don't know that I lust for it, but I couldn't live without it. When I need to relax or cheer myself up music is my go to thing. The more traditional definition of lust I'd have to say girls. I'm a butt guy definitely. It doesn't have to be really out there and big like Jennifer Lopez or anything, just a little is enough for me. Like the girl from the I Know What You Did Last Summer movies. Jennifer Love Hewitt. What about you? Is it JLo or JLove for you?" Jensen asked.  


"They're not really my type," Jared said shifting uncomfortably.  


"What's your type?"  


Jared paused for a minute, unsure of how he should answer the question. "More like Leonardo DiCaprio."  


"I'm surprised," Jensen said after a minute.  


"That I'm gay?" Jared asked.  


"No, that you'd like DiCaprio. You seem like you'd go for someone a little tougher. Maybe George Clooney or something. Or maybe Brad Pitt along with Professor Rhodes."  


"I **am** a pretty big fan of Clooney's Batman," Jared admitted.  


"Who isn't?"  


They debated the pros and cons of Clooney as Batman versus other actors. Jensen preferred the Tim Burton directed Batman films, but saw Clooney as a more convincing Batman then Keaton. Jared liked how humorous Jim Carrey was as the Riddler in Batman Forever but listed Val Kilmer as his least favorite Batman. After about twenty minutes of this Jared still felt a little uneasy about his earlier confession. He didn't want to dwell on it but he wanted to make sure he knew where Jensen stood on the situation.  


"It really doesn't bother you that I'm gay?" Jared asked hesitantly.  


"Not at all. My aunt's gay actually. The way I see it you love who you love. It's not easy to find someone to love and spend your life with, and if you're lucky enough to find that person it shouldn't matter if they're a guy or girl, or black, or green, or anything else. Because if they're it for you the rest is just details."  


If Jared hadn't already been falling for his new friend, this would have done it for sure. Jensen was sweet, smart, funny, hand sweatingly gorgeous. _Is there anything wrong with this guy?_ Jared thought to himself. _Yeah he's not gay for starters. Did you miss the part where he was going on about Catwoman? He might be ok with you being gay but that doesn't change the fact that he's straight._  


Jared was saved from his thoughts by the pizza being delivered. Jensen had insisted on paying, stating that Jared was still adjusting to being a poor college student. They ate their pizza and talked a little more about who/what they found attractive. The conversation turned to relationships and Jared was eager to find out about Jensen's relationship status.  


"So do you have a girlfriend?" Jared asked, trying to be nonchalant.  


"Yeah. I mean kind of. It's complicated."  


"What's complicated about it?"  


"I don't know how to explain it. Like, we're together now, but for awhile it wasn't an official thing, I think we're still adjusting to the whole relationship thing. Nicole can be a lot to handle."  
"But you love her?"  


"I don't know. I care about her. I guess we'll just have to see what happens," Jensen said quietly.  


Jared didn't even know this girl and he hated her. Not only did she have Jensen, but it seemed like she didn't even appreciate him. Since their friendship was still so new he didn't really want to say anything to offend Jensen, but it seemed like he was clinging to a failing relationship.


	3. Chapter 3

Jensen hadn't known how to react when he walked into the examination room and saw Jared. When he'd seen the name on the file he figured it was probably the Jared he had known in college, but it didn't prepare him for coming face to face with him. The man sitting in the room was not the same Jared he had known. He was still recognizable but he was taller, more muscular, and gorgeous. Jared had always been good looking but the sight of him now made Jensen's heart leap up into his throat.  


Jensen was really glad Jared had accepted his offer to catch up and he had been disappointed when Jared had cancelled on him. He'd been getting ready to leave his apartment when Jared texted him saying he was really sorry but something had come up. The thought crossed his mind that maybe Jared really did hold a grudge that they had lost touch, and he worried that things would be awkward when the other man came in for his first physical therapy session. But he was pleasantly surprised when things went smoothly not only at their first session but the next three. He looked forward to their appointments and the easy banter that they had slipped into, similar to what they had had in college. At their third session he asked Jared again if he wanted to grab a beer.  


"So since you're my last appointment of the day I was wondering if you wanted to cash in that rain check and have a drink or dinner or something."  


Jared didn't answer right away, and Jensen prepared himself for rejection, but then he turned back to him and agreed. "Uh sure. Yeah. I don't have any plans tonight."  


"Awesome. I'll tell Felicia that I'm cutting out and we can go."  


They said goodbye to Felicia and the two men went to a small bar/restaurant that was in walking distance of Jensen's office. They settled in a table in a back corner and ordered beer and sandwiches.  


"I'm glad you agreed to come out with me. I've been craving this place's barbecue for weeks." Jensen said.  


"With Matt out of town I've mostly just been sitting at home, eating a lot of frozen pizza. I don't really like cooking big meals for just myself." Jared replied.  


"Who's Matt?" Jensen asked.  


Jared paused. "He's uh...he's my boyfriend."  


Jensen took a long pull from his beer. "You didn't mention you were seeing anyone."  


"It never came up. "  


"Come on, you've told me basically everything else about your life. How long have you been together?"  


"We've been seeing each other off an on for two years, but we've been exclusive for about nine months I think."  


"So it's pretty serious?" Jensen asked, finding that he didn't really want to know the answer.  


"I'm not really sure how to answer that. We don't live together. He goes out of town on business a lot. He's a lawyer. A partner actually at Cohen, Speight and Benedict. A couple of their clients are pretty big businesses, so it keeps him busy."  


"A lawyer eh? Good for you man."  


"Yeah..." Jared sat quietly for a minute.  


"Do you love him?" Jensen asked.  


"Yeah."  


"Does he love you?"  


"Yeah I think so."  


Jensen sat quietly, picking the label off of his beer. Jared deserved to find someone who loved him, he was a great guy. _So why do I want to punch this Matt guy in the face and I haven't even met him?_ He could feel Jared looking at him, waiting for him to say something.  


"That's great. I'm happy for you," Jensen said finally.  


"Thanks Jensen. So what about you? Are you seeing anyone?" Jared asked, trying not to seem too eager.  


"Uh no. I got married pretty soon after college."  


"Not to Nicole!" Jared inttereupted.  


"Ha no. Not to Nicole. Her name was, is Danneel. We were married for about seven years. She was with me all through PT school, a little bit after."  


"What happened? If you don't mind me asking."  


"No it's fine. I don't really know how to describe it. It just didn't work out. We were always good friends, and I think we just decided we were two people who loved each other who just shouldn't be married."  


"Do you still talk to her?"  


"Oh yeah. I was actually in her and Chris' wedding."  


"That's very....progressive of you."  


"Yeah well Dani said it wouldn't be the same without me there. I introduced the two of them. I worked with him after he wrecked his motorcycle and after talking to him I knew he'd be perfect for her."  


"Jensen the matchmaker. But where does that leave you?"  


"I've dated some. Haven't really had a serious relationship since Dani. I think I've been just trying to figure out who I am in a relationship without letting it define me. There have been a couple of flings who have tried to make an honest man out of me. One guy told me that he didn't think I knew what I wanted, and until I figured it out I'd never be happy. Talk about fucking with someone's head."  


Jared choked on his drink and paused to take in what he had just heard. "Wait a second. Did you..you said guy. So you're gay now?"  


"I don't know. I kind of thought of myself as more bisexual, but actually since my divorce I've only gone on dates with like four women, and I only slept with one," Jensen said looking down at the label he had picked off his beer.  


Jared could feel a knot forming in his stomach as he asked the next question. "And how many guys?"  


"More than one," Jensen said taking a deep swallow of his beer.  


"More than five?" Jared asked casually.  


Jensen shifted uncomfortably. "Yes. But let's change the subject now hm? How bout them Cowboys?"  
Jensen didn't know exactly why Jared prying into his sex life was making him so uncomfortable. It's not that he was ashamed of sleeping with so many people, but for some reason when it was Jared asking about it he felt differently, like he didn't want the younger man to think less of him. He'd always felt an attraction towards Jared. He hadn't really accepted his sexuaility before, but the feelings had been there. He hadn't acted on it knowing that it could never be just sex, and he wasn't willing to risk a friendship for a hookup or experimentation. As he watched Jared drinking his beer, he briefly envisioned kissing him across the table, taking him home and showing him what he was missing with a boyfriend who was constantly out of town. But he couldn't do that to Jared. He wouldn't ruin his relationship just because he may have a little crush.  


"I'm having a really good time tonight Jensen. I'm glad we hung out outside of your office. I mean, don't get me wrong, Tuesday has become my favorite day of the week, but I like to see Jensen Jensen more than Dr. Jensen."  


Jensen laughed, "What if I told you I wanted you to exclusively call me Dr. Jensen? In fact, give me your phone."  


Jared handed his phone to Jensen who fiddled around with something before handing it back. When he looked at his contact list he saw that Jensen had changed his name to "Dr. Jensen" with a hospital emoji on one side and a heart and lips on the other.  


"Very clever Dr. Sexy. But you're no McDreamy. Give me your phone."  


"What are you going to change your name to? Padacock?"  


Jared typed something quickly and handed it back.  


"Jaybird,"Jensen said softly. "You remembered."  


"Of course I remembered. I hated that nickname and you insisted on calling me that. Chad called me that once when we were drunk and I gave him a black eye. You're the only one who could call me that without getting physically harmed."  


"Well then, I'm honored."  


Jared glanced down at his phone again and noticed the time. "Wow it's midnight already. I guess we should wrap it up, you probably have an early morning."  


"Yeah we can't all just work whenever we want," Jensen teased.  


"I'm freelancing!" Jared argued.  


"Whatever you say Jaybird."  


Jensen took care of the check despite Jared's protests. He agreed to let Jensen pay as long as the next one was on him. Jensen felt a little swoop of pleasure in his stomach that Jared had implied there would be a next time. After they said goodbye Jensen began his short walk back to the clinic to his car. He heard his phone beep and saw that he had a message from Jared. _"Hey Dr. Jensen, I forgot to ask if I qualify for a friends and family discount now. My insurance rates have really gone up now that I quit working for the man ;)"_. Jensen smiled and quickly typed out a response. _"There's a 6 month minimum waiting period for that list. You can try reapplying then Jaybird :)"_. Jensen chuckled to himself as he put his phone away and got into his car. He was happy that the night had gone so well, and it had brought back a lot of memories for him like the night he gave Jared that stupid nickname that he pretended to hate.

_**Twelve years earlier...**_  
"You're spending Thanksgiving alone?"  


"Yeah. My parents this whole trip planned for the holiday, but with midterms and my internship I only have like two or three days off, so they're going with out me."  


"What about Nicole? She didn't invite you home to meet the family?"  


"She's from New Jersey. So it's a long flight for just a couple of days," Jensen replied quietly.  


"She didn't even ask you did she?" Jared said shaking his head in disbelief.  


"Well she probably thought I wouldn't be able to come."  


"She could have at least asked," Jared grumbled under his breath.  


"It's really not that big of a deal. I'll be fine by myself. I'll watch some TV, eat a turkey sandwich, if anything it will give me a chance to catch up on some sleep."  


"Hey why don't you come home with me?"  


"Jay you don't have to do that."  


"Do what?"  


"Invite me home with you because you feel sorry for me. I'm a big boy, and I will be ok for the whole six days you're gone."  


"I don't feel sorry for you, I'd really like it if you spent the holiday with me."  


"I don't know man..." Jensen trailed off.  


Jared hopped off the couch and bent down on one knee, grabbing Jensen's hand in the process. "Jensen Ackles, would you please do me the honor of accompanying me home to spend the weekend and break bread with the Padalecki family?"  


"Oh my god yes, just get up please," Jensen laughed pulling Jared up.  


"It'll be fun I promise. My mama makes the best stuffing and my little sister is planning on making three different types of pie!"  


"Well how could I say no to pie?" Jensen said leaving the room to go pack.

"Are you sure your parents don't mind?" Jensen asked as they pulled up to the house several days later.  


"Mind? Mama is beyond excited that you're coming. She loves testing out new recipes on guests. My dad is probably going to talk your ear off about the Cowboys' season so far. Jeff is happy there will be someone to team up with him against me in Charades. Megan wasn't really pleased to hear you were coming though."  


Jensen turned to his friend with a worried look. "Really? You didn't tell me that!"  


"Yeah but once I showed her a picture of you, she got on board pretty quickly," Jared said laughing.  


"You're a dick," Jensen said breathing a sigh of relief.  


The two men grabbed their bags and headed into the house. They walked into the kitchen and were immediately greeted by the smell of cinnamon and fresh baking. Jared had the wind knocked out of him by a young girl hurling herself into his body.  


"Jared!"  


"Hey Meg. Guess you missed me a little more than you let on huh?"  


"Maybe a little," Megan said extricating herself from the hug, and pulling back to look at Jensen. "Is this your boyfriend?"  


Jensen felt his face flushing at the question, but Jared quickly countered the question. "No, Jensen wishes he could be my boyfriend, poor thing has a huuuuge crush on me. But I told him he's just not my type. Straight guys don't do it for me."  


Megan smiled and looked Jensen up and down. He felt himself beginning to get self conscious when Jared saved him again.  


"Don't get any ideas Meggie, he's way too old for you and he has a girlfriend."  


Megan pouted and walked over to the fridge to get a drink. Jared turned around to see his mother coming into the room.She let out a squeak and threw her arms around him.  


"Oh there's my baby!"  


"Hey Mama."  


Sharon pulled herself away from her son and smoothed down her sweater. "And you must be Jensen."  


"Pleasure to meet you Ma'am," Jensen reached out his hand but was quickly pulled into a hug.  


"We're so happy you could spend the holiday with us Jensen. Jared has told me a lot of good things about you."  


"Well I'm sure at least one of them is true."  


" Why don't you boys go get settled and then you can help me with preparations for tomorrow. Jared I figured you two could sleep in the room you and Jeff used to share and when Jeff gets here he can take the other room."  


The two of them took their bags upstairs to a room with two twin beds in it. They had plaid bedspreads, and the walls were covered with superhero posters and what looked like some drawings that Jared had done when he was younger.  


"My brother and I shared this room til he was a teenager. Then he got too cool for me and moved to the room across the hall. When he left for college I moved into that room, but when he comes home I always end up back in here. The bed's in here are way too short for him."  


"Wait. Your brother is bigger than you?"  


"Yeah hard to believe right? I think he's got two inches on me at least. He's going to be a giant compared to you."  


"I'm not short," Jensen huffed.  


"Aw it's ok. You're the perfect height for me to put my arm around," Jared said without thinking. He immediately kicked himself for letting such an awkward comment slip out even if it was something he'd often thought about. He was surprised and relieved when Jensen just took it in stride.  


"Always finding the silver lining aren't you? I'm also going to fit much better in these beds than you Gigantor," Jensen said setting his bag down.  


They had a great time helping with preparations for the next day's big meal and entertaining Jared's family with stories about their semester. They seemed to really like Jensen, which pleased Jared to no end until he walked in on his mom showing Jensen his baby pictures.  


"Jared! You need to come in here man!" Jensen called.  


"Mama you are not showing Jensen my baby pictures!" Jared whined as he walked in and saw the two of them sitting on the couch with a photo album across their laps.  


"But Jared you were such a cute little boy," Sharon replied.  


"Yeah Jay," Jensen said with a sly smile. "You had such cute chubby cheeks. I like the one of you as a ninja turtle, and your Little League pictures. But I have to say my favorite was the one of you in the cowboy hat, and you're..."  


Jared cut him off "Nooo Mama you didn't!"  


"Oh she did!" Jensen said gleefully holding the picture up. "Naked as a jaybird! Hey, Jaybird!"  


"That's a terrible nickname, now put that photo away before I end you!" Jared yelled trying to grab the picture from his friend.  


"Come on! It's a great picture. It's a natural photo of your embracing your Texas roots!"  


Jared made another lunge and snatched the photo from Jensen, realizing he was now splayed out on top of his friend's lap. The realization made his dick begin to stir in his pants, and he quickly got up before Jensen could notice his arousal. Jensen looked at him a little surprised but just smirked.  


"You can have the picture, but it's too late now. I can't unsee the image."  


"If you boys are finished wrestling, you should probably get to sleep. We have a big day tomorrow. I'll have cinnamon rolls ready by 6:30 sharp, so you better be up if you want to eat them while they're still warm," Sharon said with a smile.  


They said their goodnights and went upstairs to get ready for bed. When Jared came back from brushing his teeth Jensen was already snuggled down in one of the beds. He chuckled to himself and turned out the light. He lay in his own bed looking up at the ceiling that he had decorated years ago with glow in the dark stars. He looked over at the other bed at Jensen's sleeping form and thought about how strange it was to have the guy he was crushing on in his childhood bedroom. He was startled when Jensen spoke up.  


" Hey Jared? Thanks for inviting me to come home with you," Jensen said.  


"Don't mention it man," Jared replied.  


"No, it really means a lot. I know I said I would have been ok, but I've always been really close with my family too, and being around yours made me realize how much I miss them. And how much I miss having times like this."  


It sounded like there was more to Jensen's comment than he was letting on, but Jared didn't want to press if his friend didn't want to talk about it.  


"I'm sorry you didn't get to see your family for the holiday. But I am glad that you're here with me. With us I mean."  


Neither one of them said anything for a minute before Jared spoke up again. "We'll have to see if you're still as grateful after Mama puts you to work tomorrow. We should probably rest up for it."  


" Right. Goodnight Jaybird."  


"Night Jen," Jared replied quietly.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all the comments and support! I'm glad that people are enjoying this story. I may post two chapters today if I have time, but I wanted to get this one up for sure.

The thought had crossed Jensen's mind that maybe continuing to hang out with Jared outside of their appointments wasn't such a good idea, but he decided that he didn't really care. Yes he was attracted to him, and yes Jared had a boyfriend, but that didn't mean they couldn't be friends. It was totally possible for two gay guys to just be friends. He had other gay friends. _Yeah but you're not attracted to them_ , a little voice in his head argued. _This is stupid. I like Jared, and I'm going to keep spending time with him. I just won't let things get weird_.  


Jensen had bribed Jared into coming shopping for a gift for his little sister's upcoming wedding. She was getting married in August at a vineyard near his hometown and he wanted to make sure everything was perfect for Mackenzie's big day. That was what led him to Roche, a local boutique one Saturday morning. He'd promised Jared that if he came with him he'd take him for beer and wings later.  


"What is this place?" Jared asked peering into the window of the upscale shop.  


"This local artist owns his own glass blowing studio. I guess he must have been featured in some magazine because Mac heard about it and decided she absolutely needed something from his collection. I ordered a pair of champagne glasses for her that I thought they could use on their wedding day."  


Jared pushed through the door and took a quick glance around. His attention was caught by a display of sun catchers in the far corner of the store. He dragged Jensen over to look at them and the pair spent a few minutes browsing the store. After a bit Jensen left Jared looking at some incredibly detailed glass animals and headed to the register. He was about the ring the little bell for service when a good looking man with dark hair and startling blue eyes came out. When Jensen saw him he let out a small noise of surprise.  


"Misha!"  


"Jensen. I thought that was you. I saw you come in. It's been a long time. Too long for my taste. How's the best thing I've seen all day?"  


Jensen chuckled, "I'm good. I didn't know you worked here."  


"I don't. Sebastian is a friend of mine. He was getting behind on a couple of his orders so I told him I'd man the shop for him for a few weeks. What brings you and your... very tall boyfriend in here?"  


"My what? Oh Jared's just a friend of mine," Jensen said quickly.  


"Are you sure about that?" Misha said with a wink as Jared stepped up behind Jensen.  


"Sure about what?" Jared asked.  


"I'm sure that I don't need to them to gift wrap Mac's present. No I'll just take it as is," Jensen stammered.  


Misha grinned at the flustered man in amusement before directing his attention to Jared. "Hi, I'm Misha. You're a friend of Jensen's?"  


"Yeah I'm Jared. How do you know Jensen?"  


"Oh Jensen and I go back a few years. Let me go get your order from the back." Misha briefly ran his fingers over Jensen's hand before heading into the store room. Jensen watched him leave but was conscious of Jared's eyes on him.  


"So Misha?" Jared asked expectantly.  


"Yeah...Misha," Jensen began.  


"Is there a story there?"  


"Remember the guy I told you about who tried to get me to settle down?"  


"Misha is the one who told you how screwed up you are?" Jared asked, clearly surprised.  


"Not in those words exactly but yes."  


Jared felt his skin starting to prickle at the thought of Jensen with the other man. He knew it was in the past and he had no claim on Jensen, but he still didn't like the idea of this Misha person touching his friend. He was happy when Misha soon returned with Jensen's order. Jensen paid the bill and Jared turned to leave the store. He wanted to drag Jensen out, but clearly the other man wasn't finished.  


Misha kissed Jensen on the cheek. "Call me sometime Jensen. Soon." He squeezed Jensen's arm before walking away to help someone else. Jared tried to read the expression on his friend's face, he couldn't tell if it was disappointment or relief. They walked out of the shop and onto the sidewalk. They walked a few blocks without talking until Jensen broke the silence.  


"Something on your mind Jared?" Jensen asked, stopping and turning to face his friend.  


"It's just, I guess I'm still trying to wrap my head around the fact that you're attracted to men, and then I saw that guy touching you and flirting with you and it's just kind of strange knowing that he's kissed you and..."  


"You're wondering if I had sex with him?"  


"You don't have to tell me if it's weird," Jared said hurriedly, suddenly becoming very interested in the fraying hem of his shirt.  


"I did. But it was years ago," Jensen answered quickly.  


"Are you going to call him?" Jared asked tentatively while looking back up.  


"No."  


"Why?"  


" What's the point? There's a reason it didn't work out the first time. I can't see myself with him for anything longer than a few weeks. Why are you so interested anyway?" Jensen asked, studying his friend's face.  


"I'm just trying to figure out what kind of man it takes to tame Jensen Ross Ackles."  


"Technically it's Doctor Jensen Ross Ackles," Jensen said with a wink. "But if you figure it out, make sure you let me know."  


Jared laughed, but inside he was a big ball of confusion. Jensen had been married, so clearly he was able to be in what was intended to be a long term relationship. But his attitude towards relationships more recently just seemed so...cavalier. He didn't know how much he had really changed but he hoped that the Jensen that he had known before was still there. He remembered the night Jensen had confided in him about his parent's divorce. It was a week or so before graduation, and Jensen had just found out that his girlfriend was taking her ex-boyfriend to her brother's wedding instead of him.

 

_**Twelve years earlier...** _  


Jared was sitting at a picnic table outside of Jensen's apartment building with his feet propped up. Jensen had insisted on sitting outside to take advantage of the sun, and Jared wasn't really complaining since he got to look at Jensen's tanned arms. Graduation was looming closer and he also wanted to take any chance he could to spend time with the older man, not knowing how often he'd see him in the future. They'd been talking about how Jason had been ring shopping for his girlfriend when Jensen burst out that Nicole was taking her ex, Damon, to her brother's wedding.  


"Wait what?" Jared asked.  


"She's taking Damon to her brother's wedding instead of me," Jensen spat out.  


"Why would she do that?"  


"She gave me some bullshit reason about how her family knows him better. She dated him for like six years before me, and he's pretty close to her brother I guess." Jensen rolled his eyes. "Do you think I'm overreacting?"  


"What?! Fuck no! I don't care if she was married to him, she's dating you now."  


"Did I mention the wedding is in Mexico?"  


"How romantic," Jared said saracastically.  


"Exactly. So I know if she goes and takes him that something's going to happen between them."  


"So you don't trust her," Jared stated.  


"I trust her!" Jensen argued.  


"If you trusted her then you wouldn't be concerned that something was going to happen between them," Jared pointed out. "I'm not saying that you don't care about her, I'm just saying you don't trust her as much as you should. She's not considering your feelings in this at all, and it was totally unfair to put you in this situation. I don't know why you continue to put up with her," Jared said a little more harshly than he intended. Jensen didn't say anything for a moment, and Jared was afraid that he had over stepped his bounds.  


"My parents are getting divorced," Jensen said flatly.  


"What? Oh Jen I'm so sorry."  


"It's been a long time coming. They were separated before. They had a lot of problems and then my uh...my mom cheated on my dad." Jensen's voice began to crack a little as he told Jared the story. "My dad took her back though. He wanted to try to make things work for me and my brother and sister, but they just couldn't do it. My mom moved out in January. There was no family trip at Thanksgiving. I just didn't want to go home and listen to them fight. I'm sorry that I lied to you Jared."  


Jared slid over and put his arm around Jensen. "Jensen it's ok. I'm still happy you came home with me. I'm glad that I was able to give you a good holiday and make you smile instead of being alone."  


"You know what my mom said to me when she told me they were getting divorced? She said she knew that she was being selfish, but that when it comes to relationships sometimes you need to be selfish. You can't expect someone to always take care of you, and if you don't look out for yourself you're going to end up unhappy. Who says that to their kid?" Jensen asked, looking at Jared, his eyes bright with tears.  


"That's one of the saddest things I've ever heard. And I don't think she's right. But it doesn't really matter what I think. What do you think?" Jared asked.  


Jensen sat up and turned out of Jared's embrace. "I don't know what I think. I know that I don't like how Nicole is treating me, and that she didn't consider how I felt in all of this. But I also don't know that I want to break up over it. Do you think it's stupid for me to want to stay with her?"  


_Yes. It's really stupid_. Jared thought. "I wouldn't say it's stupid," Jared said. "I don't think it's healthy or in your best interest. But that's just my opinion based on an outsider's perspective. You know your heart better than I do right?"  


"I don't know. Sometimes I think you know what I need better than I do," Jensen mumbled.  


"Well that's probably true, but you'd just do the opposite of what I said anyway," Jared joked.  


Jensen chuckled weakly and stood up. "Come on. I need something to take my mind off of all of this."  


"What did you have in mind?" Jared asked.  


"The high school I do my internship at is having a carnival tonight and tomorrow. There's food, rides, and games and stuff. I think there's even going to be fireworks. What do you say? You wanna come eat funnel cake and ride the Ferris Wheel with me?" Jensen asked.  


The thought of being stuck at the top of the Ferris Wheel with Jensen sounded very appealing, but then almost anything involving Jensen sounded appealing. "I'll come as long as you promise we can have cotton candy **and** funnel cake," Jared replied.  


"Anything for you Jaybird."


	5. Chapter 5

Things had been going pretty well between Jared and Jensen, really well actually. They had hung out a few times outside of their Tuesday appointments, and despite the awkward encounter with Jensen's ex-fling, things were good. Jared however still had that niggling thought in the back of his mind that he still hadn't cleared the air between the two of them. He knew that he needed to get it out of the way in order to gain some type of closure, but he was afraid of what he was going to learn, and he didn't want to ruin how well things were going. As he lay on the table at his next appointment he watched Jensen carefully, trying to gauge the other man's state of mind. He wanted to phrase his question in the best way possible, hopefully so it wouldn't seem like he was an obsessed loser who had been dwelling on the answer for twelve years.  
Jared could hear Chad's voice in his head. _Just ask him if he read your letter. Stop being a bitch and fucking sack up dude._ Easy for Chad to say, he wasn't the one who was going to be part of the awkward conversation that would ensue if Jensen told him he had read it and ignored it. Jensen told him to sit up and as he did he took a deep breath.  


"Do you remember the night before graduation?" Jared asked, trying to sound casual.  


"Some of it yeah. I remember getting really drunk at the party they threw for the seniors. And then I came to see you in your dorm. And you gave me a bottle of water and walked me back to my apartment," Jensen replied.  


"Is that it?" Jared asked expectantly.  


Jensen thought carefully. "Oh and you gave me a present. The tiger! How could I have forgotten that. You know I kept that on my desk all through PT school?"  


"I gave you a card too. Well a letter."  


Jensen looked surprised. "You did? I don't remember that. I must have lost it. To be honest with you most of that night and the next day are a blur. When I moved my stuff out the next day I basically just shoved everything into boxes and sent them home with my Mama. I'm sorry I don't remember more. I passed out like right after you left I think."  


"Before actually. I took your shoes off you and made sure you set your alarm so you didn't miss the ceremony."  


"Ahh I knew there was no way I set that alarm on my own," Jensen said smiling and slapping Jared on the back. "Hold your arm out in front of you for thirty seconds."  


"So you really never read the letter?"  


"No. Dude what was in it that you're so interested?" Jensen asked, beginning to get concerned.  


"Nothing. It was your typical 'I'm proud of you. You made it. Good Luck in your future endeavors' crap. I just can't believe you lost something I spent so long writing," Jared said jokingly.  


"I am sorry man, it was really nice of you to do that for me. I'm sure it was a great letter. The best."  


"You know it **was**. But you'll never know. I'm glad I brought it up though because all these years I thought you were an ungrateful douche bag but turns out you're just an irresponsible drunk!" Jared said, playfully punching Jensen's arm.  


"Hey I've gotten a lot better. I'm respectable now. I'm a doctor. Now lift your arm over your head and hold it there. I'm going to step behind you and stretch you out a little."  


"Oooh Dr. Jensen, you're going to get behind me to 'stretch me out a little?' My nether regions are tingling."  


"Not like that pervert." Jensen leaned in and whispered in Jared's ear, "I'd have to stretch you out a lot more for that sweetheart."  


Jared felt a jolt go straight to his cock. _Fuck Fuck Fuck. I cannot get an erection now. He's just kidding. Just because he's had sex with guys doesn't mean he wants to have sex with you. And you have a gorgeous lawyer boyfriend. Who is out of town all the time. While Jensen is here, rubbing your shoulders_. Jared felt himself starting to harden in his shorts. He jumped up from the table.  


"Shit! I just remembered, Sadie has a vet appointment today! I gotta go. Sorry Jensen. I'll call you later!" Jared said running out of the room. He said a hurried goodbye to Felicia who waved with a confused look on her face.  


Jensen ran out after Jared and stopped at the reception desk. Felicia looked up at him with a bemused smile.  


"Well that was weird. What did you do to him?" She asked.  


"I didn't do anything to him. We were just talking and I was stretching his shoulder and...and then I made a comment about having to stretch him out for something else," Jensen muttered sheepishly.  


"Jensen!" Felicia exclaimed.  


"What?! He started it. I was just joking around. Then he remembered he had to take his dog to the vet."  


"Yeah I'm sure. You better watch yourself Ackles, or you're going to have a sexual harassment suit on your hands. Granted it might be worth the suit to get that ass in your hands."  


"You're not funny." Jensen grumbled.  


"Hmmm touchy. Do I detect a hint of affection for our friend Jared? Maybe we aren't being honest about our just friendly feelings?" Felicia teased.  


" **WE** are being plenty honest about our feelings. I like Jared. I do, and yes he's smoking hot. But that doesn't matter. He's my friend and that's it."  


"You keep telling yourself that. I'm just saying, I see the way you look at him. There are worse things that could happen to you than falling in love with someone tall dark and handsome."  


"Tall, dark, handsome and **taken**."  


"But it's not for you to decide if it's by the right person."  


"You're annoyingly logical sometimes you know?"  


"Yeah. I get that a lot. Just think about what I said," Felicia said going back to her work at the computer.  


"I haven't been thinking about a whole lot else," Jensen muttered to himself.

Outside Jared was sitting in his car trying to make sense of what had just happened. He was still attracted to Jensen, but their history had been hanging over his head. Now that Jensen had admitted that he hadn't read the letter that Jared had wrote, he should feel relieved, but he felt more torn than ever. At least he knew that Jensen hadn't spent the last twelve years laughing at him for writing him what Chad had considered to be a love letter. 

 

_**Twelve years earlier...** _

  


"So it's like a love letter?" Chad said , squinting his eyes in confusion.  


"No. It's just a letter, where I wished him well and that I hoped he got everything he wanted. And he deserves the best."  


"And you love him."  


"Yes," Jared said quietly.  


"Sounds like a love letter to me Juliet. So when are you planning on giving it to him?"  


"Tomorrow before he leaves I guess. I didn't want to ruin tonight for him. I know he wanted to be with his senior friends."  


There was a knock at the door and both men looked up. "Well it's not quite the balcony, but maybe Romeo wanted to see you after all," Chad said smirking.  


Jared hopped off of his bed to answer the door. He opened it to reveal a very drunk Jensen standing in the hallway.  


"Jaybird!" Jensen exclaimed, flinging his arms around Jared.  


"What are you doing here? I thought you had the senior party tonight?"  


"Wanted to see you. I'm graduating tomorrow!" Jensen said.  


"I know man."  


"No but like, I'm **graduating** tomorrow," Jensen said seriously.  


Chad sensed that the conversation was about turn more personal, and decided to give the two their privacy. "I'm going to see if maybe there's a hot drunk senior in the hallway for me too." Chad said shutting the door behind him.  


"He said I was hot." Jensen laughed.  


"Yes he did. And if you're lucky you might become Mrs. Chad Michael Murray," Jared joked.  


"I bet Chad would take me to a family wedding in Mexico," Jensen grumbled, flopping onto Jared's bed. Jared sat down next to him.  


Jared was quiet for a minute. "Have you talked to Nicole?"  


"We broke up. Or we're on a break, I don't really know."  


"But she's still taking Damon to the wedding?"  


"Yeah."  


"Jensen," Jared began. "This isn't fair to you."  
"I'm sad Jared," Jensen said looking at him with puppy eyes that rivaled his own.  


"Well here, I have something for you." Jared said getting up.  


"A present?" Jensen asked excitedly.  


"Yeah," Jared said handing the bag to Jensen who tore into it quickly. "Maybe wait to read the card later when you're not..."  


"Awesome!" Jensen exclaimed, pulling out a crystal tiger.  


"I know it's kind of stupid, but I saw it at a thrift store, and it reminded me of you," Jared said sheepishly.  


"Eye of the tiger! I love it. Sergeant Paddles is going to be my good luck charm," Jensen said petting the tiger protectively.  


"Sergeant Paddles? You really are smashed," Jared said punching Jensen lightly in the arm.  


"Well I had to name him after you in some way."  


"Don't ever call me Paddles. Sergeant or not."  


"Awww what's wrong? I thought you liked when I gave you nicknames baby boy?"  


Hearing those words from Jensen's mouth went straight to his cock. He'd spent a lot of nights with his hand imagining Jensen saying similar things. _Fuck baby boy, you feel so good. That's it baby boy, just like that, come for me. Love you baby boy_. Jared tried to shake the images out of his head. He certainly wasn't going to get into this while Jensen was drunk.  


"Yeah well usually your nicknames are good ones. Why don't we get you and Sergeant Paddles back to your apartment so you can rest up for tomorrow?"  


After some coaxing, Jared managed to get Jensen off his bed and into the hall. The trip to Jensen's apartment took longer than usual since the older man kept stopping to greet other seniors, or in one case, a statue that he said he'd really miss. They finally reached the apartment and Jared was grateful for his growing height advantage as he tried to get Jensen up the stairs. Jason wasn't home from the party yet so at least being quiet wasn't an issue. They made it down the hall to Jensen's bedroom and Jared pushed his friend through the door.  


"Into bed," Jared ordered setting the gift bag on the floor next to the bed.  


"Wait." Jensen pulled the tiger out of the bag and put it on his desk. "Now he can guard us while we're sleeping."  


"Yes he can," Jared said, smiling at how serious Jensen looked. "That means time for bed. Alright, here we go," Jared said maneuvering Jensen onto the bed. He pulled the other man's shoes off and pulled the comforter up on him. "Drink this," he said sitting down and handing Jensen a bottle of water. "I don't want your parents blaming me when you're too hungover to accept your diploma tomorrow."  


" No 's Jason's fault," Jensen slurred. He chugged the water and then flopped back down onto the bed.  


Jared laughed as his drunk friend snuggled up next to him using his arm as his own personal teddy bear. He wanted to take a picture, but he knew reaching for the camera would spoil the moment. This wouldn't be a bad way to remember Jensen, in fact it was probably the cutest he'd ever looked. With his eyes squeezed shut and cozied up with Jared's arm he looked so comfortable. It just looked so right.  


"You're the best Jaybird. You always make sure I'm ok," Jensen mumbled into his arm.  


"Well somebody has to. I'm just lucky it gets to be me."  


Jensen began drifting off to sleep. Jared slowly pulled his arm out off the man's grasp and was met with a sound of disapproval from his sleeping friend. He picked up a shirt off the desk chair, balled it up and slipped it into Jensen's arms. He smiled as his friend snuggled his face into the shirt. As he got up to leave he heard Jensen behind him.  


"Love you Jared."  


He turned and looked at Jensen who appeared to be out cold. When he heard the light snores he knew the older man was asleep. _So was he dreaming and said he loved me? Is he dreaming about me because he loves me? Or did he say he loved me and then fell asleep? Well I guess I'll find out when he reads my letter._  


Jared took a final look at the form of sleeping Jensen . _Please don't let this blow up in my face_ , he thought shutting the door


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Small warning, things do get a little smutty towards the end of this chapter. I'm surprised I lasted this long, but with almost 6 chapters of angst, it was time for some smut and fluff. Don't worry though, there's plenty of angst left in this story.

Several days after the awkward incident in the exam room Jensen was shopping for suits for the groomsmen with his sister. Mackenzie had declared that her fiance Steve had no idea what to look for when choosing a suit, and the rest of the groomsmen were just as clueless, so she enlisted Jensen's help in picking out the tuxes.  


"Isn't this like some kind of gay stereotype? Asking your one gay groomsman to play stylist?" Jensen asked  


Mackenzie laughed. "Well maybe, but you're also my brother, so it's your duty to help me with whatever I need. And you've always known what looks good on you, even before you came out of that color coordinated closet. Besides it was either you or Mom, and I don't know if I could have dealt with that. I love her, but she is driving my anxiety through the roof."  


Jensen knew where she was coming from. His brother Josh had gone through a similar experience when he got married, but he was fortunate enough to be able to push most of the planning off onto his now wife. Texas mothers loved a wedding, and Donna Ackles was no exception. She'd already been hounding Jensen about finding a date for his sister's big day. He'd considered asking Jared but didn't know if it was a good idea, especially given what had happened during their last session. As if reading his mind, Mackenzie spoke up again.  


"So are you bringing a date to the wedding?"  


"I don't know yet."  


"Oh you should! You know it's going to be awkward if you don't. All the old relatives and Mom's friends asking you why you don't have a date."  


"Believe me, the scenario has crossed my mind. I just don't know who I would bring. It's not like I have a lot of...prospects," Jensen admitted.  


"What about that Jared guy? You've been talking about him a lot. I thought you were spending a lot of time with him. Why don't you ask him?" Mackenzie questioned.  


"Jared is a client, so yes I have been spending a good deal of time with him. And we have hung out a few times outside of that, but it's...I don't know what it is," Jensen replied.  


"Don't you like him?" Mackenzie asked, looking at her brother with knowing eyes.  


"Yeah I do. I really do. But he has this boyfriend, and I don't want to screw that up for him. He really deserves to be happy."  


"And you don't think you do? Listen Jen, I'm not saying that you should be a homewrecker by any means, but I do think you owe it to yourself to at least find out how he feels. I'm not saying bring him to the wedding, catch the bouquet and then drag him off to Vegas, but spend some more time with him, see if it develops."  


"I don't know," Jensen began. "The last time I saw him was kind of weird. I was just joking around and flirting, and I guess I pushed it too far, and he ran out of the room making some excuse that he had to take his dog to the vet."  


"Maybe he really did."  


"You didn't see the look on his face. He looked scared, like he couldn't get out of there fast enough."  


Jensen heard his phone beep and looked at it and was happily surprised to see a text from Jared. _"Sorry about running out the other day. Would dinner make up for it? 7:00 at my place. "_ Jensen smiled to himself. _Speak of the Devil._  


"I take it that's him now?" Mackenzie asked.  


"How did you know?"  


"The smile on your face gave you away."  


"He asked if I wanted to have dinner."  


"Now you say yes!" Mackenzie urged.  


"What am I getting myself into?"  


"It's just dinner. Stop overthinking everything."  


Mackenzie grabbed his phone and typed out a response. _"7:00 sounds great. I'll bring the beer."_ There you go. Short and to the point. Now if you're finished angsting over your boyfriend, can we pick out ties?"  


At the end of the day the eventually settled on light gray suits and ties that were a sort of olive green and white. Mackenzie had decided on an outdoor wedding in August, and since summer in Texas was notoriously hot, Jensen made sure to select lightweight fabrics. As he waved goodbye to his sister he smiled. He was happy for her and looking forward to her wedding. Maybe I will ask Jared to go to the wedding. It doesn't have to be a date necessarily. I'd really like it to be, but I'll leave it up to him. 

 

Jensen rang the doorbell of Jared's house and waited anxiously, clutching the six-pack of beer that he had brought. His thoughts were racing as Jared opened the door. Jared was leaned over holding on to the collar of a very excited dog.  


"I take it this is Sadie?"  


"Yep. This is my best girl. I'll try not to let her jump on you, but as you can see she gets excited."  


"I don't mind," Jensen said bending down. "Hey there pretty girl. You gonna let me into your house so I can hang out with your daddy?"  


Sadie barked and licked Jensen's hand as he scratched behind her ears. "I take that as a yes," Jared said opening the door to let Jensen in.  


Jensen looked around the the space. It had a nice open floor plan with a kitchen on one side and a living room area on the other. There was a round table on the far side of the kitchen set in front of a sliding door that led out onto a porch and small yard.  


"You have a nice place here. Did you design it?" Jensen asked.  


"No. I did a little bit of remodeling. Mostly some experimenting to increase the value of the place."  


"Are you planning on selling it?" Jensen asked, his anxiety rising at the thought of Jared leaving.  


"Eventually I guess. It's fine for just me and Sadie, but it's on the small side for a family," Jared replied.  


Jensen's mood perked up. "You want a family?" he asked casually.  


"Yeah I think so. And Sadie was just telling me she wants a little brother or sister," Jared said bending down to scratch Sadie's head. "Are you hungry? I've got some steaks marinating in the fridge. Why don't you grab them and put those beers in there and I'll go fire up the grill."  


Jensen grabbed two of the beers and the steaks and met Jared out on the porch. Jared gratefully accepted the beer and set the steaks down to wait for the grill to heat up.  


"So today was the day you were supposed to go shopping with your sister right?" Jared asked.  


"Yeah, " Jensen replied, surprised that the other man had remembered. "I told her she was exploiting me as her gay stylist, but it was good to see her."  


"Did you guys settle on the suits?"  


"Yeah. I think they're going to look really good."  


"What are the colors?" Jared asked, placing the steaks on the grill.  


Jensen chuckled, "You'll love this. Mac wanted her colors to be gray and 'Jensen green' and she put it."  


"Jensen green? Like the color of your eyes?" Jared laughed.  


"Yeah. She decided on it by accident. They were bridesmaid dress shopping and she was having trouble deciding on a color and I called her and when my picture came up on her phone she looked at my eyes and decided that was the shade of green she wanted."  


"Oh my god, that's priceless," Jared said still laughing and wiping tears from his eyes.  


"What can I say? The girl has great taste."  


"What color green do they call that actually? Sage? Chartreuse? They're like an indescribable shade," Jared said looking carefully into Jensen's eyes. "Fan-Fiction green."  


"What?" Jensen said spitting out his beer.  


"Fan-Fiction green. Your eyes are the type of eyes that aren't supposed to exist in the real world, they're only meant to be described in fanfiction."  


"What's fan...never mind, I probably don't want to know," Jensen said with a laugh. "I believe they were calling it some type of pear green or olive."  


"Sounds delicious," Jared said with a wink. "That reminds me, I hope you like olives because I made a pasta salad that has olives in it. It's ready in the fridge if you want to get it while I bring the steaks in."  


Jensen went into the house and grabbed the pasta salad and two more beers and placed them on the table. He watched Jared coming in with the plate of steaks and tried to not think about how easy this was, and how at home he felt. Jared set down the plate and called Sadie over to him.  


"I'm going to put Sadie out on her run so she doesn't try to attack you for your T-bone," Jared said. He looked down at Sadie, "Don't worry girl, you get your own later."  


Jared let the dog out and the two men sat down to dinner. The steaks were cooked perfectly, and the cold pasta salad was a perfect compliment to the meat. Jensen raved about the meal and insisted on cleaning up despite Jared's protests. Jared went out back to play fetch with Sadie while Jensen cleaned up. After he finished the dishes and Jared came back in with a tired Sadie they sat back down at the table to share the last two beers. They sat, comfortable and content as Jared listened to Jensen's detailed account of how the clerk at the suit place had tried to convince Mac and him that polka dot ties would be a manly choice. Jensen looked across the table at Jared to see him staring back at him, focused, like he was the whole world.  


"I forgot how you used to do that," Jensen said.  


"Do what?"  


"Look at me like I was the only person in the room."  


"You are the only person in the room," Jared said matter-of-factly.  


"Well **now** I am."  


Jared was silent for a moment. "Maybe you just mattered more than everyone else in the room."  


"You always treated me way better than I deserved. I know I was a cocky little shit sometimes. I probably still am. But you put up with me. I should have tried harder to keep in touch with you."  


"Jensen don't beat yourself up. We met at a weird time in your life. You were transitioning into the real world, I know you had a lot going on. I wouldn't have hung around if I couldn't deal with you being a little selfish. And you're trying to be a good friend now right? I think that's important."  


"I am trying Jared. I really care about you."  


Jensen reached across the table and put his hand on Jared's. Jared looked into the green eyes that were focused on him, like they were staring into his soul. He took a deep breath,his gaze flicking down to Jensen's mouth and his beautiful full lips. _God I want to kiss him right now. I'm getting hard just from his hand on mine. What would happen if he touched me for real?_ There was a brief vision of pushing Jensen back onto the couch and riding him until he passed out. He licked his lips and started to speak.  


"Jensen... I," Jared began and as interrupted by the sound of a key in the lock. The front door opened and an attractive dark haired man in a suit entered holding a bottle of wine and a bakery box.  


"Matt!" Jared said, hopping up from the table. "What are you doing here? I thought you were in Cleveland."  


Matt gave Jensen a cursory glance before pecking Jared on the lips. "I wanted to surprise you baby. What's uh...all this?" Matt asked setting down his things.  


"This is Jensen. I told you about him we were friends in college, and now he's my physical therapist."  


"Yeah I remember you mentioning that." Matt turned to Jensen and put out his hand. "Nice to meet you Jensen, I'm Matt Cohen."  


"Good to finally meet you Matt. I've heard a lot about you. Quite a guy you've got here."  


"Yeah I'm a lucky man," Matt said putting his arm around Jared's waist.  


The gesture did not go unnoticed by Jensen, who took it as his cue to make an exit. He grabbed his jacket off the back of the chair.  


"Well I'm going to let you two get reunited. Jared thanks for dinner. It was delicious. I'll see you on Tuesday. Nice meeting you again Matt." Jensen hurried out the door leaving Jared standing confused as to what had just happened.  


"He's not normally like that," Jared said turning to Matt.  


"It's fine. He could probably tell that I wanted to be alone with you. I missed you," Matt said kissing the side of Jared's neck. "Let me show you what I brought you."  


Matt went over to the coffee table and retrieved the items he brought in. "I got a nice bottle of Chardonnay, and I stopped at that bakery you like and picked up some cupcakes. They said the vanilla buttercream would pair well with the wine, but I got you a five chocolate cupcake too, because I know you love them."  


He's being so thoughtful, Jared thought feeling guilty. _I'm here thinking about humping Jensen on the table and he's out buying me cupcakes. I'm the world's worst boyfriend_. Jared turned and put his arms around Matt.  


"Thank you baby. I'm so happy you're home. It feels like you were gone forever this time. Why don't you change into something comfortable, we can break open this wine and I'll show you how much I missed you?"  


Jared kissed Matt deeply before pushing him off in the direction of the bedroom. As his boyfriend walked out of the room Jared tried not to picture the way Jensen had looked walking away and instead focused on the bottle of wine Matt had brought. He heard the shower turn on and decided he might as well have some while he waited. By the time Matt came back into the kitchen Jared was on his second glass of wine and feeling slightly tipsy.  


"Hey what's your rush? We have all night don't we?" Matt said, pointing at the wine bottle.  


Jared smiled at him and pulled him in for a kiss. He slid his arms around Matt's neck and kissed him while walking him backwards into the living room. When they hit the couch Jared pushed the smaller man back onto it and quickly straddled him. He palmed Matt's growing erection through his shorts before leaning back to remove his shirt.  


"I don't know what's gotten into you but I am certainly not complaining," Matt said pulling Jared back down into a kiss.  


"Well I know what I'm **hoping** will get into me," Jared said suggestively, taking his belt off.  


"It's a good thing I didn't bother putting a shirt on huh?"  


"Don't act all innocent. You knew as soon as you brought me that wine and the cupcakes that you were going to get lucky." Jared slid his hand into Matt's shorts. "See? Commando."  


As Jared's big hand ran over his skin, Matt let out a little groan. It had been too long since he'd had his boyfriend's hands on him and he was eager to feel more of them. He shimmied his way out of the shorts, leaving him naked, his erection now hard against his stomach. Jared left some kisses on Matt's inner thighs, teasing his way up to where he really wanted to focus his attention. Jared took Matt's length in his mouth, slowly suckling on the head before taking the rest in. There weren't a whole lot of things that Jared considered himself an expert at, but he had been told by Matt, and another ex boyfriend on more than one occasion, that he was an excellent cocksucker. He briefly wondered if Jensen would feel the same about his skills, and on the other side, how his beautiful made- for- sucking- dick lips would feel. He increased his suction and moved one of his hands to cup his boyfriend's balls. After a minute or so he pulled off with a dirty pop sound.  


"Feel good baby?" Jared asked, slowly jacking his hand up and down Matt's length.  


"Fuck yes," Matt moaned.  


"What do you want now?"  


"Whatever you want baby. Do whatever you want."  


"Wanna ride you," Jared said, eyes sparkling.  


Jared hopped up and dashed into the bedroom. When he came back he had ditched his jeans and boxers and stood in his naked glory. He tossed a condom to Matt who opened it and rolled it onto his dick. Jared squirted some lube into his hand and coated his boyfriend's cock. He sat up and lined Matt's cockhead up with his hole when Matt's hand stopped him.  


"Wait, don't you want me to prep you a little or something? I don't want to hurt you."  


"No need. I helped myself while you were in the shower," Jared said.  


"Shit that's hot. Come here baby," Matt groaned, pulling Jared into a kiss.  


Jared took that as his cue to sink down onto his boyfriend. As Matt's cock breached his hole. Jared tried not to think about what it would feel like if this was Jensen. To feel himself opening up on Jensen's cock, and Jensen's muscular arms wrapped around him. Luckily when he moaned out loud Matt thought it was because of him. He started riding Matt, knowing this probably wouldn't last long for either of them.  


"God I missed this," Matt said, watching Jared move slowly on top of him.

Matt was running his hands over Jared's chest, and Jared was trying hard not to imagine Jensen's hands. He looked down and focused on Matt's handsome face, and dark features. He kissed him briefly before he leaned back a little, changing the angle, and picked up his pace. 

"You feel so good baby. I'm getting close already."  


"Me too," Jared said.  


Jared sped up his movements, now rapidly bouncing up and down on Matt's cock. The vision from earlier of him fucking himself on Jensen's cock came back into his mind. He bit his lip trying not to cry out at the thought of the other man's thick girth filling him and stretching him as he rode him to completion. Whether Jensen would be silent or murmur hot dirty things to him as he fucked him. Jared was betting on the latter, but he knew he shouldn't even be thinking about it. He looked down at Matt, locking eyes with him, focusing on him.  


"You look so beautiful riding me. I'm gonna come baby!" Matt moaned.  


Jared felt the twitching of Matt's penis inside him filling the condom. He reached between them and began stroking his weeping cock. He pictured how beautiful Jensen probably looked when he came. How his pupils probably got blown with lust, turning his deep green eyes black. Finally he came, envisioning Jensen calling out his name in his sexy gravelly voice as he climaxed. He slumped forward onto Matt's chest before rolling over to his side. Matt shifted to put his arm around Jared.  


"I guess you really did miss me," Matt chuckled.  


Jared felt a wave of guilt wash over him. To be honest he hadn't thought a lot about his boyfriend this time when he was gone. And to make matters worse he just pictured someone else while they were having sex. He knew it wasn't technically cheating, but it still wasn't something to be proud of.  


"It's hard to be away from you all the time," Jared said quietly.  


"I know baby. It's hard for me too. That's why I told them I don't want to travel anymore."  


Jared turned and looked at Matt in surprise. "You what?"  


"I told them that I wasn't going to keep doing the constant travel thing. I mean I'm a partner, I should be able to make some demands once in awhile."  


"What did they say?"  


"I don't think they were happy, but we're going to work something out. I'll still be traveling a lot for a little while, but then I'll hopefully be staying in one place most of the time."  


"Matt that's great."  


"I was hoping you'd think so. You are a big reason I want to stay put. I'm looking forward to waking up with your furnace of a body draped over me every morning," Matt teased.  


"Well someone has to keep you warm through winter."  


"You can keep me warm all year big boy. Now what do you say we check out those cupcakes? I've been thinking about how that chocolate frosting would taste off your cock."  


Jared felt his erection starting to fill again at the thought. _Maybe things are going to be alright after all_.


	7. Chapter 7

When Jared walked into his next session, he was surprised by a case of beer sitting on the table with a balloon tied to it that read "You did it!". He hadn't realized it until just then, but this was his final session with Jensen. He was pretty sure they'd still see each other, but he was still going to miss this. He'd certainly miss having Jensen's hands on him, but that wasn't all. He'd grown accustom to their routine of seeing each other for the session and usually going out for a beer or dinner after, and he was sorry that it was coming to an end.  


"I can't believe we're finished my rehab already. It feels like it just started."  


"Well time flies, right?" Jensen said with a wink.  


"I'm going to miss seeing you every Tuesday, and coming in early to gossip with Felicia about your other clients."  


"Well you're still welcome here anytime. I'm sure Felicia especially will appreciate the company," Jensen replied, trying to busy himself looking at his clipboard.  


"Hey since I'm officially cleared after today, how about we celebrate tonight? We can go to Chad's bar, he's going to be psyched because this means I can play on their softball team this fall."  


Jensen's stomach gave a swoop of pleasure. He didn't want to seem too eager, but he really was happy that Jared was making it clear he wanted to still see each other outside the therapist/patient relationship. He had been worried that with Matt coming back into the every day picture that his friendship or whatever it was with Jared, was going to fall apart.  


"That sounds great. It'll be good to see Chad again, see how he grew up."  


"He didn't really. I mean he has a business and his own apartment, but other than that he's exactly the same. "

 

When they walked into the bar several hours later Chad was standing behind the bar wiping down the counter and chatting with a few of the regulars. He saw Jared and Jensen and gave them an enthusiastic wave.  


"Chad you remember Jensen?" Jared said, stepping up to the bar.  


"Yeah, I remember. You look the same. But older," Chad observed.  


Jensen chuckled awkwardly, "Well it has been 12 years."  


"Hey **I** don't look a day over 21," Chad argued.  


"You keep telling yourself that Chad. Maybe those college girls who come in here will believe it too," Jared joked.  


"We can certainly hope," Chad said winking at them. "So what can I get you? We're celebrating JPad's full recovery right?"  


Jensen laughed, "Yep. It is my humble medical opinion that Jared is once again a fully functioning red blooded Texas male."  


"Well then that's cause for some shots!" Chad said grabbing a bottle of whiskey. He poured a shot for each of them and raised his own shot glass. "To Jared, and his recovery thanks to Dr. Feelgood."  


Jensen laughed and downed his shot. He glanced over at Jared who was looking back at him. He quickly looked away and drank his own shot. Jared slammed the glass down on the bar. "Another round my good man!"  


Chad shook his head. "Just remember to pace yourself buddy."  


Chad poured more shots and a round of beers and the two men drank them while sitting at the bar, laughing and joking. Chad would come back and shoot the shit when he wasn't dealing with other customers. Jensen was having a pretty good time and he could tell that Jared was too. It was kind of hot in the bar and he could see sweat beading on Jared's face. Without really thinking he took a cocktail napkin and mopped the sweat off Jared's brow. Jared looked at him in surprise and caught his wrist.  


"Don't want you to get sick," Jensen said trying to look sincere.  


_It's more than that though isn't it? You want to touch him. Be honest Jensen, now that he's done rehab you're a little afraid you'll never get to touch him again_. Jensen held Jared's gaze. He was fully aware that Jared was still basically holding his hand. That had to mean something. He knew that he should say something, anything, but part of him didn't want Jared to let go. As if fate was trying to tell him something, Jared's phone rang. He dropped Jensen's hand and went to look at his phone.  


"It's Matt. I guess I should take this. Hey Matt," Jared said picking up the phone. "No I'm out. Just at Chad's bar. Yeah he's here. And Jensen. I finished my rehab today, we're celebrating. Yeah I wish you were here too."  


Jensen was trying not the eavesdrop on the conversation but it was difficult with Jared right there. If his impression of Matt was correct he was sure that the man was not happy to hear he was out with his boyfriend. The thought crossed his mind that maybe he should just go the bathroom or something until Jared finished his call. He was snapped back to the situation at hand by Jared's voice getting louder.  


"You're not coming home for another two weeks? I thought you said that you were done with travelling. I know that you have to work Matt, I'm not saying that! I'd just like to see you for more than two days at a time, I feel like that's not being unreasonable. No I'm not telling you to quit!" Jared looked over at Jensen and motioned that he was going outside.  


As Jared walked outside Chad came back over to Jensen with a fresh beer. Jensen accepted it gratefully and took a long swig. "Is it always like this?" Jensen asked gesturing in the direction Jared had left.  


"Jared and Matt? Not always. I mean it wasn't in the beginning. But the longer they've been together I think it's gotten worse. Usually when they fight like this Jared toys with the idea of breaking up. Then Matt sweeps in with some grand romantic gesture and everything is forgotten."  


"But he loves him?" Jensen asked.  


"Yeah. Don't get me wrong Matt's a good guy. I think he just sometimes takes for granted that Jared is going to wait around for him."  


Jensen looked down and took another long sip of his beer. _I should be happy that Jared loves this guy. He's a freakin lawyer, and he loves Jared and buys him stupid cupcakes. Be happy for him_. The rational part of Jensen screamed to let it go, but the emotional part kept needling him to press the issue. _But he's not making Jared happy. You could make him happy. You could buy him stupid cupcakes_.  


"You love him," Chad said smirking at him.  


"What?" Jensen asked surprised.  


"You love him. Otherwise you wouldn't look like I kicked your puppy when I told you that he loved Matt."  


"I don't know how I feel," Jensen said honestly.  


"Listen. I like you man, you seem like a decent guy. If you love him that's great, but he deserves the absolute best. His relationship with Matt does have downfalls, one of them being that he's never here. If you really care about him and want to be here with him then hey I'll support him if that's what he wants. But if you screw over my best friend again, I'll cut your dick off with a machete."  


"What do you mean **again**?"  


Jensen's question was drown out by Jared walking back up to the bar. He seemed less angry than when he went outside, but certainly not as happy as earlier.  
"Matt's not going to be home for two weeks," Jared said.  


"Yeah I heard that. I think the whole bar heard that," Chad joked.  


"Sorry man. Things got a little heated."  


"It's cool. Someone had to be my entertainment for the night." Chad narrowed his eyes at Jared in concern. "It's gonna be ok Jay. Things will work out the way they're supposed to." Chad looked discreetly over at Jensen who met his gaze before turning to look back at Jared.  


"Yeah you're right." Jared chugged the remainder of his beer and then looked up at Chad. "I'm going to the bathroom. When I come back we are taking more shots. No sulking, just drinking."  


As Jared walked away Chad turned to Jensen. "So much for pacing himself. You'll take care of him right?"  


Jensen noted the tone of Chad's voice, picking up the gravity that was implied in the question. "Yeah. I'll take care of him." He wanted to take care of Jared and make him happy. But if Jared wanted Matt he wasn't going to mess that up. Tonight he'd settle for making sure Jared got home safe. The rest he'd leave up to destiny. 

 

The night had ended predictably with Jared blacking out and Jensen corralling him into a cab. It was a small miracle that Jared hadn't thrown up in the cab, but the minute he was through the door he was puking all over the floor, himself and Jensen. They finally made it to the bathroom where Jared continued to be sick. Jensen felt sorry for the other man, but smiled in spite of the situation that he was actually holding back Jared's ridiculous hair. Once he decided the worst was over, he stripped the taller man out of his clothes and put him into clean pajamas. He tucked him into bed and left the door open just in case. Looking down at his own clothes he decided to throw them in the wash and borrow something from Jared.  


Jensen didn't want to leave, but he figured sitting around and watching Jared sleep would be considered creepy. He decided to get started on cleaning up the huge mess in the bathroom. When he finished the bathroom, he moved on to the kitchen. He figured at least when Jared woke up he wouldn't wake up to a mess. He did the floor and decided to tackle the rest of the kitchen. He hummed to himself as he washed the pile of dirty dishes, letting the warm water relax him. He was close to the end when he heard a voice behind him.  


"What are you doing?"  


Jensen held up the sponge and the plate he was washing. "Dishes."  


"I can see that. But **why** are you doing my dishes?" Jared asked.  


"You were passed out. I was worried about you and I didn't want to leave in case you needed something. So I thought I would at least do something productive while I was here. And I thought turning the TV on might wake you up."  


Jared looked around the kitchen. Jensen had not only done his dishes but it looked like he had scrubbed all the counter tops as well as the stove. He sniffed the air.  


"Dude did you mop the floor?"  


"Yeah. It didn't take long," Jensen said matteroffactly.  


"If you say so." Jared said shaking his head.  


"Uh, I also cleaned your bathroom."  


"You did? Why?"  


"Kind of had to. You puked all over it," Jensen chuckled.  


"Oh my god. This is so embarrassing," Jared groaned. "So you cleaned up my bathroom and my kitchen while I slept it off?"  


"Something like that."  


Jared looked down and noticed for the first time that he had pajamas on. He also noticed that Jensen was wearing a pair of his sweats and his favorite shirt to work out in, a faded Pearl Jam tank.  


"Hope you don't mind that I borrowed some clothes. Mine are in the wash."  


"I threw up on you didn't I?" Jared asked, not looking up from the floor.  


"Only a little. You got more on yourself. Managed to not get any in that girly hair of yours though," Jensen said smiling.  


"God Jensen I'm so sorry. You wanted to have a good time, and instead you got to carry my drunk ass home, where I threw up on you and you had to clean my whole house."  


"It wasn't your whole house. Just the kitchen and your bathroom. And I did some laundry. You're on your own for the rest."  


"Why did you do all this?" Jared asked.  


"I told you, I needed something productive to do."  


"Yeah I heard that. But why did you stay? Why did you bring me home?"  


"You're my friend Jay. I was worried about you. You were hitting it pretty hard last night. I just wanted to make sure you were ok."  


Jared studied Jensen's face. He could tell that there was more to it than that. Maybe it was just wishful thinking because he hoped that there was more of a reason than that. But why did he hope that? It's not like he had feelings for Jensen anymore. A part of him would always love him, but he had Matt now. Sure Matt and he were in a rough patch right now, but they'd get through it.  


"Thanks man. You're a really good friend. And I'm totally going to make it up to you I promise."

"Don't worry about it, really. Although your birthday is coming up soon, so if you don't like my present, remember this moment ok?" Jensen joked.

"I will. I'll finish those dishes later.You should get some sleep. You can crash here if you want."

Jensen was tempted, but he decided it was probably best that he went home, just in case Matt called, or stopped by to surprise Jared after their fight. "Thanks but I should head home. Call me later ok?"

Jared watched Jensen head out the door and then looked around his clean kitchen. He shook his head and walked back down the hall to his bedroom. As he flopped onto his bed and shut his eyes, the first image that popped into his head was how sexy Jensen looked in his clothes. He looked like he belonged there in his kitchen, wearing his favorite tank top. A tank top that Matt hated, which was why he usually only wore it to the gym. But Jensen could have picked any shirt to borrow and he chose that one. Did that mean something?

"I'm so fucked." Jared said quietly.


	8. Chapter 8

Jensen was laying on his couch later that week, catching up on one of the prime time soaps that he pretended to hate, when his phone rang. He smiled when he saw Jared's name on the screen.  


"Hey Jared."  


"Hey. What are you up to?"  


"Nothing important really."  


"I wanted to say thank you for taking care of me the other night."  


"It's fine man, you don't have to keep thanking me."  


"I just feel guilty. You went above and beyond. I mean you did my dishes. Anyway I had an idea of how I wanted to thank you."  


Visions of Jared on his knees ran through Jensen's head. "And how is that?"  


"There's a carnival in town, and I know how much you liked when we went to that one in college, so I thought we could go again."  


"A carnival eh? Well I guess I could let you buy me a funnel cake."  


"That's the spirit! I'll pick you up in twenty."  


Jensen sat back and thought about that carnival he and Jared had gone to in college. He'd been depressed over a fight with his girlfriend and to cheer himself up he dragged Jared to a carnival that the high school he was working at was putting on to raise money. They'd had a great time and he'd forgotten that he was even upset.

 

_**Twelve year earlier...**_  
"Wow this is pretty professional for a high school fundraiser," Jared commented.  


"Yeah, the committee got really into it. They had to cut funding to the athletics department. That's one of the reasons me and the other guys are getting to intern, it's free labor. I feel bad because a couple of the teams that don't bring in tickets sales and stuff are in danger of being cut completely." Jensen pointed to one of the game booths. "That girl over there is an awesome volleyball player. But girl's volleyball doesn't exactly pack the gym with paying customers."  


"Well let's go see if we can help raise some money for them then," Jared said, dragging Jensen over to the booth.  


"Hey Abby, how's it going?" Jensen said to the young girl running the game.  


"Hey Jensen. So far it's slow going, but it's still early. You going to try to win a prize for your boyfriend?"  


Jensen blushed and looked at Jared who was just smiling back. He looked back at the girl."I'm not going to **try** , I'm **going** to win him a prize."  


Jensen handed her a dollar and she gleefully handed him three balls. He threw them at the targets and knocked down all three in succession. He turned to Jared triumphantly. "Pick your prize sweetheart."  


Before he had a chance, the girl spoke up again. "You know, if you play some more, you can trade in three small prizes for a medium prize, or five small prizes for a large one. Remember Jensen, all the money is going to the athletics department. And isn't he worth it?" She asked nodding in Jared's direction.  


"Yeah, come on Jen. Please babe?" Jared whined playfully.  


Jensen took one look at Jared's puppy eyes and slapped down some more bills. Fifteen minutes and twenty more dollars later, Jared was walking away with a pink fluffy unicorn tucked under his arm.  


"I can't believe that's the one you chose."  


"I like him. He's so cuddly. See?" Jared made the unicorn nuzzle Jensen's face and neck, who tried in vain to bat him away.  


"Yeah yeah I see. What do you want to do next?"  


"Let's get some cotton candy and walk around," Jared suggested.  


Jensen bought a big bag of cotton candy for the two of them, and they began to eat it while walking through the fairgrounds. Really, Jared was eating most of it, but Jensen enjoyed the gleeful look on his friend's face as he gorged himself on pure sugar. They stopped in front of a dunk tank where a dark haired young man was sitting in Superman swim trunks.  


"Hey Tommy, how did you get stuck in the dunk tank?" Jensen called out to him  


Tom waved at them. "I bet the boy's soccer goalie that if he didn't let any goals in during practice I'd volunteer for the dunk booth. Mikey fell for a similar bet with the lacrosse team. You're lucky you work with the girls, the guys are brutal."  


"Well they're certainly convincing me to spend enough money. Abby just weaseled twenty something bucks out of me at the milk bottle toss," Jensen replied. "But at least we have this to show for it," Jensen said pointing at the unicorn.  


Tom laughed and looked at Jared. "Who's your friend?"  


"This is Jared, Jared this is Tom, he's one of the other guys interning here."  


"Nice to meet you Tom."  


"You too Jared, Jensen talks about you a lot."  


"Oh he does?" Jared asked suspiciously.  


"Yeah. Don't worry, most of it's good. He said you're a really talented artist."  


"I'm ok," Jared said looking down.  


"Hey don't sell yourself short. If Jensen thinks you're something, it must mean you're pretty good. He's hard to impress," Tom said with a wink.  


" I wouldn't say that, but I would be impressed if you can dump Tommy here into the water. He's looking a little dry," Jensen said handing Jared a ball he must have gotten while the other two were talking.  


"Jared you don't have to do this. You have a choice here," Tom said seriously.  


Jared handed the unicorn to Jensen to hold and stepped back behind the throwing line. He squinted a little bit, aimed, and threw the ball. He hit the target dead on and Tom went splashing into the water. He resurfaced a few seconds later, spluttering and wiping his hair out of his eyes. He looked up at Jared shaking his head.  


"And here I thought we were gonna be friends."  


"Sorry Tom, but I couldn't resist trying to help out the athletic department," Jared said contritely.  


"It's cool man. Just do me a favor? Swing back this way later when Mikey gets in the booth."  


Jensen and Jared said goodbye to Tom and made their way over to where the rides were. Jared excitedly headed to the Ferris Wheel, but they were stopped by the attendant.  


"The Ferris Wheel is out of order. Sorry boys."  


"Any idea if it'll be back up tonight?" Jensen asked.  


"Not sure, maybe tomorrow. Sorry again."  


They walked away from the rides, and Jared was clearly disappointed. Jensen put his arm around the taller man for a minute and gave him a slight squeeze.  


"Hey cheer up, the fireworks start in ten minutes. Let's go find a place to sit."

 

_**Back in present day...**_  
Jensen was snapped back to reality by Jared banging on his door, announcing his arrival. He grabbed his wallet and phone and went to answer the door. After they greeted each other they got in Jared's truck and took the short drive to the fairgrounds.  


"Alright, what do you want to do first?" Jared asked.  


"Do they have a dunk tank?"  


Jared laughed. "It's not as much fun if you don't know the person in the tank. Dunking your friend is half the fun."  


"I'll never forget the look on Tommy's face when he hit the water. Or Mike's for that matter when we came back."  


"Do you still talk to them?" Jared asked.  


"Oh yeah. I was actually the best man in their wedding."  


" **They** got married?"  


"Yep. Didn't pick up on that? God your gaydar sucked in college."  


"You're one to talk, you thought you were straight." Jared teased.  


"Touche Padalecki. Do you want to get some funnel cake or something?"  


"Oh Jensen, funnel cake is old news. We live in an age where there is a plethora of options for fried carnival snacks. Wait here and I'm going to bring you something awesome ok?"  


Jared went over to one of the snacks stands and came back a few minutes later with a small paper plate. He handed it to Jensen who looked at the item with questioning eyes.  


"What is this?"  


"It's a deep fried twinkie, and it's like a little piece of greasy Heaven. Now stop judging and try it."  


Jensen took a small bite and let out a low moan.  


"Good right?" Jared said, biting into his own treat.  


The two men enjoyed their desserts in silence for the next few minutes. Jensen looked at Jared and saw that he had a little bit of filling on his lip. He thought about how easy it would be to just close the distance between them, and lick it off Jared's soft lips. As if reading his mind, Jared flicked his tongue out and caught the filling. The image of Jared running his tongue across his bottom lip was not one that Jensen would soon forget, and he quickly walked away to throw his trash out in a nearby can.  


"What's next?" Jensen asked. 

"We are going to do something we didn't get to do last time."  


"And what's that?"  


"Ride the Ferris Wheel!"  


Jared bought ride tickets and then dragged Jensen off in the direction of the Ferris Wheel. When they got there Jensen had to laugh because Jared was practically vibrating with excitement. He handed the operator the tickets and they climbed into one of the cars. As the car began to move Jared turned to Jensen and gave him a dazzling smile. They went around a few times and Jensen resisted the urge to put his arm around Jared. He settled for resting it on the seat behind him, fingers dangling. Everything was fine until he felt them come to a stop.  


"Of course we're stopped at the top," Jensen grumbled, looking down.  


"You're not afraid of heights are you Jensen?"  


"Not usually. But the thought of being stuck in this rickety bucket 300 feet in the air is a little unnerving."  


Jared smiled. "Relax. I paid good money for this view."  


"What?"  


"I slipped the guy a twenty to stop it at the top. My favorite part of riding the Ferris Wheel is the view from the top."  


"You're nuts."  


"Come on. The key is to look out, not down. Sit back in your seat. Good. Now look over there, look how far you can see from up here! You can see Chad's bar from here! I bet if we try hard we can see him hitting on girls who are too young for him."  


Jensen laughed at that, and began to relax. They pointed things out to each other, and when the ride began to move again a few minutes later, he was actually disappointed. They got off the ride and began walking towards the midway.  


"Why do you like the Ferris Wheel so much?" Jensen asked.  


"It's like being on top of the world. When I'm up there I feel...invincible. Like I can do anything. On the ground there are things that will try to hold you down. But up there it's almost like, I don't know, you feel like you can rise above it. I know that probably sounds really stupid."  


"Not at all," Jensen said shaking his head. "You should be on top of the world, and you shouldn't let anything hold you down.

"Thanks Jen. I'm glad we came. And I'm glad that we finally got to ride the Ferris Wheel."

"Only took twelve years," Jensen said jokingly.

"Well some things are worth waiting for right?"

Jensen wondered what the meaning behind that comment was. Was Jared suggesting that he should wait for him? Or was he saying that their friendship had been worth waiting for? Or was he just saying in general that some things are worth waiting for? He tried to stop overthinking it and just enjoy the rest of their night.

"Yeah. The right things are always worth waiting for." He looked intently at Jared for a moment before turning away to point at something. "I'd say you owe me a stuffed animal. Let's head over there and see if you can win me a prize using that newly healed shoulder of yours huh?"

Jared and laughed and began heading over to the game booth. Jensen sighed and followed after him, trying not to focus on how good the other man looked walking away, or how confused he felt inside.


	9. Chapter 9

A week after the carnival Jared woke up and saw Matt propped up on his elbow staring at him. He'd come home late the night before and they'd exchanged a few kisses but they'd essentially passed out pretty soon after. He promised he'd be around for at least a week this time, but Jared didn't get his hopes up too much.  


"Hi," Jared said sleepily.  


"Hi. Don't worry, I wasn't watching you sleep for very long. I just miss waking up next to you when I'm not here."  


"Well that's going to change soon right?"  


"Not as soon as I had hoped."  


Jared knew he should be disappointed, and he was a little upset, but part of him was almost relieved that Matt wouldn't be around 24/7 yet.  


"What are your plans for today?"  


"I have to finish up my design for the new community center downtown. The proposal is on Monday."  


"Well Rob and Rich want to have lunch with us today if you can make it. I feel like I haven't had a chance to show you off to my coworkers in awhile."  


"Ok. Well I guess I should get up then. I only need a couple of hours to finish my sketches, but I should be ready to go for lunch," Jared replied.  


"Before you get up I wanted to talk to you about something," Matt began. He took Jared's hand and laced their fingers together. "You and I have been together for awhile now, and I know it's been hard being apart for so much of the time, but we've come this far, and soon I won't be travelling all the time. Part of the reason they're allowing me to cut down on the travelling is because we got a big new contract and they want me to be their lawyer on retainer almost solely for the company. It's great because I'll be mostly in one place, but the company is based in San Francisco, so I'd have to relocate. I know it's a big step, but I want you to come with me. I love you Jared, and I...I want you to marry me baby."  


Jared wasn't sure what to say. This was what he had always wanted, someone who loved him and wanted to make a life with him. For basically the last year he'd been waiting for Matt to finally settle down with him, so why was there any hesitation at all now? _You finally got what you wanted, so just say yes. What are you waiting for? Jensen? Because you could be waiting for that forever. Matt is here now, he loves you, and you love him, right?_  
Just the idea that he had any doubt made Jared second guess the situation. Maybe he had romanticized the idea of marriage, but he had always thought that if someone ever proposed to him it wouldn't be something he would need to think about. It would be that instant "Yes!" moment, and they'd fall all over each other.

 

_**Twelve years earlier...**_  
Jared had been seeing this guy casually since before the Winter break and he'd thought things were going pretty well, but when he'd asked Stephen if he wanted to make plans for Valentine's Day the response was the opposite of what he had hoped for. So now he had no date for Valentine's Day, no prospect for a booty call, and no shot at being with the person he actually wanted to spend the holiday with. Chad was trying to set him up with some guy in his English class, using the excuse "He sings Acapella, he must be gay." He wondered sometimes if Chad was dropped on his head as a child, but he did appreciate the thought. He was laying on his bed moping when there was a knock on the door. He mumbled for whoever it was to come in, and looked up surprised to see Jensen.  


"Hey buddy. How ya doin?" Jensen asked  


"Mmphfine," Jared mumbled into his pillow.  


"You don't look fine. You look like crap."  


"Thanks. What are you doing here?"  


" I saw Chad when I was getting coffee at Roxy's. He said you were sulking around listening to whiny emo music.'"  


"Pearl Jam isn't emo music," Jared argued, sitting up.  


"But you are sulking?" Jensen asked.  


"Maybe a little. Stephen dumped me."  


"What happened?" Jensen asked, coming over to sit next to his friend.  


"Nothing. Things were going fine, then I asked him if he wanted to do something on Valentine's Day and he said he didn't think we should hang out anymore."  


"Huh. So gay guys can be dicks just like straight guys. Your mistake was asking if he wanted to make plans on Valentine's Day. Guys don't like the pressure of the holiday even if they've been dating their significant other for years, let alone from someone they're just hooking up with."  


"So you think I scared him away?" Jared asked  


"That's exactly what I think. But you're better off. Amell is a dick. I know you like him because he's a pretty boy frat guy and you could probably wash your clothes on his stomach, but trust me, you can do better," Jensen said patting Jared's shoulder.  


"I know you're probably right. It just sucks right now. He was a really good kisser. And I know men aren't supposed to care, but I really don't want to be alone on Valentine's Day. "  


"Why don't you hang out with me on Valentine's Day?" Jensen asked.  


"Wouldn't you rather be hanging out with your girlfriend?" Jared asked, his heart beginning to beat faster.  


"Her sorority is having some kind of rush event. A single sisters type thing. I'm taking her to lunch earlier in the day but at night I'm all yours."  


"I don't know. You don't have to babysit me. I'll be fine spending the night alone. I'll have Chad." Jared paused and thought about that. "Unless he's trolling the campus for lonely single girls. Which it's likely that he will be. Ok, I accept your invitation."  


"Good. You can come over and we'll get Chinese and watch a movie. I'll even leave it up to you on what we watch."

Several days later, Jared had shown up at Jensen's on Valentine's Day. He knew it wasn't a real date but that didn't stop him from changing his clothes several times or sweating profusely through the shirt he'd decided on. He quickly knocked on the door and hoped that Jensen wouldn't be able to tell how nervous he was.  


"Uh hi. Happy Valentine's Day," Jared said when Jensen opened the door.  


"Happy Valentine's Day. Come on in."  


Jared followed Jensen inside and sat down on his usual spot on the couch. Jensen walked down the hall and returned with a small bag which he handed to Jared.  


"I hope you don't mind that I didn't buy you flowers. But I did however get you sour belts, gummy bears, and chocolate covered pretzels. Oh and conversation hearts of course."  


"All my favorites! I didn't get you anything though."  


"It's fine, I'm expecting you to share all that sugar. And besides, you're the one who got dumped. I'm just trying to cheer you up. If it will make you feel better I'll let you pay for the Chinese," Jensen joked.  


"Oh thank you so much," Jared said sarcastically.  


"I'm kidding. I invited you over, so I should pay. What kind of date would I be if I didn't buy you dinner?"  


"Well just so you know, I don't put out until at least the third date," Jared joked.  


"How do you define date? Because I'm sure I've paid for your dinner at least five times."  


Jared blushed at the insinuation that Jensen would be trying to rack up enough dates to sleep with him. He made himself busy looking at the Chinese menu while Jensen pulled out a couple of movies to choose from.  


"Almost forgot, I made you this," Jensen said handing an envelope to Jared.  


Jared opened the envelope and peeked at the contents. He pulled out a cd and paper with Jensen's handwriting on it. "You made me a mix cd?"  


Jensen shrugged sheepishly. "Yeah. Sorry if you think it's lame. I just... I told you before, music makes me feel better, and I wanted to make you feel better. A lot of the songs are ones that get me psyched up, like..."  


"Eye of the Tiger?" Jared asked, reading the track listing.  


"Hey that is the ultimate pump up song! I listen to it before almost every major test or game."  


"Well I'll keep that in mind. Thank you Jen. I really appreciate you spending tonight with me. I know I'm not your choice for first Valentine's Day date."  


"Don't sweat it. I know I wasn't yours either," Jensen replied.  


_Actually you were_ , Jared thought. _I never thought I'd be so happy to get dumped. But if it means I get special attention from you, I'd get dumped every day._  


"To be honest my date this morning with Nicole wasn't that great. I made her a cd too. The look that she gave me was just so, I don't know, patronizing. I mean I got her the flowers, and this necklace that she wanted,so she was still happy, but I really put a lot of thought into the cd and it was like she didn't even care. I know she cares about me. She got me the sunglasses I was saving up for, and after lunch I told her my neck was hurting and she gave me a massage, which turned into a full body massage and..."  


"I get the picture!" Jared interrupted, not wanting to hear any more about Jensen's "afternoon delight".  


"Sorry. It's weird you know? Like part of me knows that I shouldn't be with her. But there's another part of me that can't stay away from her."  


"I bet I know what part **that** is," Jared muttered.  


"Yeah you're probably right," Jensen chuckled. "But hey, tonight isn't about my depressing love life, it's about yours."  


"Oh thanks Mr. Sensitivity."  


"I just don't like seeing you upset. Especially over some douche who doesn't realize how good he could have had it. You deserve some dude who's going to worship you and appreciate you. And you won't have to ask him if he wants to make plans on Valentine's Day, because he'll already have something planned for you," Jensen said sincerely.  


"Do you think those guys really exist?"  


Jensen looked thoughtful for a minute. "I don't know. I hope so. Either way, I think you're the kind of person that would make a guy want to be romantic and settle down."  


"Settle down? You mean I'm like...boring?" Jared asked.  


"Not at all. Like my grandma would say, you're a catch. Guys should be falling over themselves to get you and keep you."  


"I don't think college life is very conducive to gay courtship," Jared replied.  


"Or any courtship really. It's not the ideal environment to I don't know..."  


"Woo someone?" Jared suggested.  


"Yes! That's the word I was searching for! You Jared, deserve to be wooed!" Jensen said triumphantly.  


Jensen went to go order the food and Jared looked after him wondering how much of what he said he meant personally. How could he say these things and not realize that they should be together. He was the one Jared wanted wooing him. Not Stephen, not some guy he hadn't met yet, he just wanted Jensen.  


Jensen came back in and started the movie Jared had selected, which was _You've Got Mail_. When the food came he paid, and settled back on the couch next to Jared. He was sitting close enough that their legs were touching and their hands brushed a few times when they stole pieces of food from each others' plates. After the first movie was finished they put on another that Jared had selected, _Runaway Bride_.  


Jensen didn't mind watching romantic comedies. Not that he'd ever admit it, but he actually kind of liked them, and was more than willing to watch them if it made Jared happy. However all of the romance and weddings did get him thinking about his own situation.  


"Do you want to get married?"  


Jared choked on a mouthful of rice. "Are you asking?"  


"You could only dream of being so lucky. I mean in general."  


"Yeah I do. I know it's not really 'legal', but I'm a sucker for all that mushy wedding stuff. Even if it's just ceremonial, I like the idea of declaring my love for someone in front of my friends and family. What about you?"  


"I used to really want to get married. I couldn't wait to find someone and start a family with 2.5 kids and a golden retriever."  


"What changed?" Jared asked  


Jensen looked sad. "I did. My parents...I don't see things the same way as I did before. If you'd asked me when I was say your age, I would have said definitely, sign me up. But now... I don't know. It's hard to explain I guess."  


Jared could tell once again that something was really bothering his friend. Jensen had always held his feelings pretty close to his chest in the time that they'd known each other, and he knew the older man didn't like to be pushed.  


"I mean how do you know that you want to sign your life over to someone? Because that's basically what you're doing. When you ask someone to marry you, you're basically saying 'I want you to tell me what to do for the rest of my life' or depending on the the situation 'Will you let me tell you what to do for the rest of your life?'. And by accepting said proposal you're saying 'I would love to be bossed around by you for the rest of eternity."  


Jared laughed. "Jensen I don't think that's really what marriage is all about. But in answer to the first part, I think you just know. I hope that if I'm ever lucky enough to find someone to marry that I won't have to think about it."  


"You'll be lucky enough. But he's going to be the really lucky one."

 

_**Present Day**_  
So here Jared was. In the exact situation that he'd imagined and discussed years ago with Jensen. He had a gorgeous man in front of him, asking him to spend the rest of his life with him and he didn't know what to say. _If your immediate answer isn't yes, then the answer should be no._  


"I need to think about it."  


Matt looked a little hurt. "I know I just kind of sprung it on you, and it's a lot to consider. I just thought it made sense for us you know?" Matt was quiet for a minute. "Take whatever time you need. I think I'm going to go for a run, let you alone to work on your sketches."  


Matt got out of bed and started walking toward the bathroom. He stopped and turned around. "I love you Jared."  


"I love you too," Jared replied.  


As Matt left the room Jared rolled onto his back. He did love Matt, he meant it when he said that. But it wasn't the all-consuming, can't breathe without you, type of love that he'd imagined having for a husband. _But maybe by keeping someone like Jensen up on a pedestal all these years you've created unrealistic expectations. Matt is a great guy who loves you. It's time to move forward and accept that maybe you're never going to have a fairy-tale romance, or a romcom moment. This is reality, and it's a pretty good one._  


He knew he had to get a move on and work on his sketches before lunch so he forced himself up. As Jared swung his legs out of bed and his feet touched the floor he was hit with one last thought. _If you're so convinced that this is what makes the most sense, then why didn't you just say yes? If it was Jensen asking you would you have said yes?_

_Yes._


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you again for the comments and support, it's much appreciated. This chapter was actually one of the first sections I wrote, well one part of it, and it was a large part of what shaped the story. I hope you like it. I'm getting closer to the ending of this story, but I think there will probably be at least three more chapters. So thanks again for your patience and support!
> 
> Also I will mention that I don't own the lyrics or songs mentioned in this chapter.

Jared answered the door on his birthday several days later and found Jensen standing there holding a gift bag and a balloon in the shape of a dinosaur.  


"Happy Birthday!" Jensen exclaimed, forcing the balloon into Jared's hand.  


"Thanks, you really didn't have to get me anything."  


"I wanted to. Birthdays are important."  


Jensen followed Jared into the kitchen and watched him place the presents next to a large bouquet of roses.  


"Are those from Matt?" Jensen asked.  


"Yeah, they got here this morning. He also arranged for that Italian place on Davis to deliver me chicken parm for dinner and cannoli for dessert. There's plenty left if you want some."  


"He's not coming to have dinner with you?"  


"No. He's in Seattle."  


"Jared I'm sorry," Jensen said, putting his hand on Jared's shoulder.  


"It's fine. It's not a big deal. At least he remembered right?" Jared said, smiling weakly. "Now I want to see what you got me. It better be good."  


They sat down at the table and Jared sat the gift on his lap. He opened the bag and pulled out a bottle of whiskey. "Well this is a good start." He pulled out a book that he had been talking about wanting to read a few weeks before, and a bag of sour gummy worms, followed by more candy and a Pearl Jam biography. The last thing he pulled out was a nice leather-bound sketchbook. He turned it over to see that it was monogrammed with his initials. It was beautiful, and also a very thoughtful gift. Much more thoughtful than flowers and a delivered dinner. Jensen had gone all out for him and Matt couldn't even be bothered to be there.  


"Thanks Jensen, this is awesome," Jared said, trying to hide his emotions.  


"What's wrong Jay?" Jensen asked, legitimately concerned.  


"Matt's not here."  


That wasn't what Jensen was expecting to hear. Yes he knew that Jared was upset that Matt wasn't there, but he didn't think that it was bothering him as much as he let on. The look on Jared's face at the current moment though told the whole story. He was crushed that his boyfriend wasn't there celebrating with them, and Jensen was helpless to fix that.  


"Matt proposed to me," Jared said quietly, not looking up from his lap  


Jensen felt his heart sink even lower than it already had. "He what? When?"  


"Right before he left this last time."  


He had always known that Jared loved Matt, and that it was hard for them to be apart, but in the back of his head he'd always hoped that maybe there was still a chance that he'd realize they weren't meant to be together. But now, Matt had swooped in with the grand romantic gesture that Chad had warned him would happen.  


"That's great Jay. Good for you," Jensen managed weakly.  


"Can I ask you a question?"  


"Sure."  


"Why did **you** get married? I mean I know it didn't work out obviously, but what made you decide to try? You always seemed so against it."  


Jensen sat back in his chair and ran his hand through his short hair. "I'm not sure I can explain it. I guess I was just trying so hard not to end up like my parents. It seems like children of divorce either end up staying in relationships for way longer than they should, whether they're good or not, or they avoid them completely. I think I stayed with Nicole for so long because I thought that might be as good as it was going to get. And then we broke up and I graduated and I went to PT school and suddenly I was totally alone. My parent's divorce was finalized in winter of that year and that's when I met Danni. She was just so different than Nicole was, and I really thought I could be happy with her. And I was happy, just not completely you know? She's great, she really is, but I think I clung to her because I was so afraid of being alone. I didn't know how to do it. I thought that I could convince myself that if I really worked at it I could make my marriage successful, even if it didn't feel like I was 100% committed to it. If I'm completely honest, I probably knew I was gay when I married her, but I wasn't ready to deal with it. It wasn't fair for me to do that to her, and I hate that I hurt her. So no more relationships after that. I'm not going to drag someone else down with me."  


Jared had listened intently, taking in the whole story. He appreciated Jensen's honesty, but it made him sad that it seemed like he'd never consider a relationship again. _There you have it. It's never going to happen with him. Jensen doesn't believe in relationships._  


"I'm not saying of course that all relationships are bad. Some people are great at them, as long as both people are going in with their eyes open. And as long as they really love each other. Like you and Matt right?" Jensen asked.  


"I don't know. If he loves me so much then why isn't he here? It's my fucking birthday. I know I acted like it wasn't a big deal but it's one day out of the year that he could have taken the time to be with me. And he's not here."  


"I'm sorry," Jensen said, not knowing what else to say.  


"No, you don't have to be sorry. You're here. You've been here for me way more in the past few months than he has. I really appreciate it Jensen," Jared said looking serious. He dropped his gaze from Jensen's and shook his head. "I'm sorry I'm kind of being a downer. It's my birthday. So we're going to take some shots and celebrate another year of my life!"  


Jared opened the bottle of whiskey and poured a shot for each of them. The raised them in a toast to Jared's birthday and downed them. Jensen studied Jared for a minute trying to gauge his state of mind. He still seemed upset, but he hoped once they went out with Chad and his other friends, they'd be able to cheer Jared up.  


"Happy Birthday Jaybird. The night's just beginning. Why don't we head over to Chad's now?"

 

They took a cab to Chad's bar and arrived a half hour later. Chad had set up some balloons and streamers, and a cake was sitting on a table in the corner.  


"The man of the hour has arrived! Happy birthday man! I hope you are ready to get wasted, because I am. And I made sure I had extra help on tonight, so I can properly celebrate my best friend's birthday!" Chad yelled, slamming shot glasses down onto the bar. "What do you want to start with? Actually nevermind, I have an idea."  


Chad walked towards the storage room and yelled back to someone. "Os! Bring up that case and a lighter would you?"  


Jared and Jensen exchanged worried looks at the thought of Chad setting something on fire. A short dark haired guy came through the doors carrying a a heavy looking box. He nodded in Jared's direction as he set it down in front of Chad.  


"Jared, long time no see, happy birthday."  


"Thanks Os. Osric, this is Jensen. Jensen, this is Osric," Jared said, introducing the two men.  


"I heard you helped Jared with his physical therapy. Seems like you do good work. We were pretty worried there for awhile. Well I should get back to work, I don't want Chad to accuse me of ignoring our paying customers. I'll catch up with you later. Nice meeting you Jensen. Happy Birthday Jared, glad you're all patched up," Osric said winking and heading down to the far end of the bar.  


"That was a little strange," Jensen said after Osric left.  


"I uh...I never told you how I got hurt in the first place," Jared said.  


"No you didn't. You just said it was embarrassing."  


"It is. Osric did it."  


"He did it?" Jensen asked incredulously.  


"Yeah. We were drunk one night after the bar was closed and Chad was going off about professional wrestling. And one thing led to another and I was wrestling Osric and then well you know the result of that."  


"Oh my god. That is embarrassing. You've got to have a solid foot on the guy, and what like forty pounds at least?"  


"He's wiry!" Jared protested.

 

 

They had their first drink which surprisingly Chad managed to make without burning the bar down. They also sang Happy Birthday and had a piece of the cake that Osric had actually made. The bar had begun to fill up with many of Jared's friends and Chad's regulars; Mr. Morgan, Ty, Jim, Gen and Adrianne, two of Jared's friends from his old architecture firm, and Felicia.  


Chad came rushing over to where they were sitting, bursting with excitement. "I have a surprise for you buddy. You seemed a little down, and I know how much you secretly love it, so tonight we're having a karaoke night."  


"Well let me get a few more drinks in me and then we'll see where my head's at," Jared said laughing.  


"You're really going to do karaoke?" Jensen asked.  


"Yeah, it's fun. My voice isn't that great, but I think that's part of what makes it fun. You're not going to participate?"  


"Me doing karaoke? Yeah I don't think so."  


"Come on. It's my birthday. Pleeease Jensen? Sing me a song," Jared pleaded giving his friend the puppydog eyes.  


"Maybe."  


Several bad performances and quite a few shots later, Chad was up on stage singing "Little Red Corvette" by Prince. When he finished he began motioning for Jared to come up next.  


"Our next singer, is our resident moose, tonight's birthday boy, and my best friend, Jared Padalecki!"  


Jared stepped up and took the mic from Chad. "Hi everybody. It's my birthday and I'm going to be singing one of my favorite songs by Queen. So here goes." The music started and Jared looked over at Jensen. "Tonight, I'm gonna have myself a real good time..."  


Jared got into the song, dancing around the small stage area. His voice really wasn't anything spectacular, but Jensen was completely entranced by his performance. He seemed so happy, like he didn't care what anyone thought. Jared had always been more comfortable in his skin than most people he knew, even when Jensen first met him. That was something he always envied about him. Watching Jared now, Jensen realized it was also one of the things that made him fall in love with the younger man.  


"I am a satellite I'm out of control, I am a sex machine ready to reload. Like an atom bomb about to ohhhh explode!" Jared sang winking at Jensen.  


Jensen laughed as Felicia sidled up next to him and hip checked him.  


"Your boy really knows how to entertain a crowd."  


"He does. But he's not my boy," Jensen said.  


"You keep saying that. But maybe he could be. Just...don't give up Jensen ok?"  


"Matt proposed."  


Felicia was quiet for a moment. "Did he say yes?"  


"He...actually he didn't mention that. I was too surprised to ask, and he seemed really upset about Matt not being here."  


"Well I think his answer is pretty important don't you? Maybe he's trying to leave the door open for you."  


The pair stood and watched the rest of Jared's performance, cheering wildly when he finished. Jared came over to them grinning, with sweat dripping from his face. He gladly accepted the napkin that Jensen offered him.  


"Well? It's your turn," Jared said to Jensen.  


"Do I have to?"  


"Please Jensen? Do it for me."  


"Well I guess that's as good a reason as any. Let me just talk to Chad first."  


Jensen went over and whispered something in Chad's ear, who nodded and took the stairs up to his apartment. Jensen went up to the stage area and pulled up a stool. He angled the mic down and spoke into it.  


"I'm not really a big performer, but it is Jared's birthday, so I guess I can make an exception this once. I'm not going to do the karaoke thing, but I will sing for you. My friend Chad here was kind enough to run upstairs and get his guitar for me. So bear with me, I'm used to just doing this for myself, and sometimes my mama."  


Chad returned and handed the guitar to Jensen who strummed it a few times before beginning to play.  


"When the rain is blowing in your face, when the whole world is on your case. I could offer you a warm embrace to make you feel my love."  


At the first few notes Jensen sang, Jared sat down hard on a bar stool. He was taken by surprise by how good his friend's voice was.  


"I know you haven't made your mind up yet, but I will never do you wrong. I've known it from the moment that we met. No doubt in my mind where you belong"  


As Jensen finished the song and put the guitar down the formerly silent bar erupted into applause. Jensen blushed and took a slight bow before walking over to Jared.  


"Was that okay?" Jensen asked.  


"Was it okay? Jensen that was...you're incredible."  


" Nah, I'm nothing to write home about. But thanks. Jay are you crying?" Jensen asked, looking concerned and surprised.  


"No, the air is just really dry in here."  


"Sure. Let's get you another drink birthday boy."  


"You trying to get me drunk so you can take advantage of me?" Jared asked suggestively.  


"I was more aiming for getting you to do more karaoke, but we'll see where the night leads."

 

They stayed until the bar closed, and a little after since Chad wanted to celebrate when he was "off the clock". They eventually said their goodbyes and Osric had called them a cab. It had begun to rain and both men had gotten rather wet while Jensen was coaxing Jared into the cab. He slid in next to him and gave the driver Jared's address. He settled back in the seat and was surprised when Jared moved over and laid his head on his shoulder.  


"Jen?" Jared said quietly.  


"Yeah?"  


"When you sang that song, I wanted you to be singing it to me."  


"I was singing it to you Jay."  


"No but like...for me. I like you."  


Jensen felt his heart beginning to beat faster. "I like you too."  


"Nooo," Jared slurred. "I like like you."  


"Like like? Are we thirteen again?"  


"Don't be mean. It's my birthday and I'm drunk."  


"I'm sorry Jay," Jensen said sincerely. "Do you want to know a secret?"  


"What?"  


"I **was** singing that song for you."  


Jared threw his arms around Jensen's neck and kissed him. In the back of his head Jensen knew that he shouldn't be kissing Jared, but his downstairs head was saying that it was a really good idea. Soon Jared was pressing him into the side of the cab, licking into his mouth. He groaned a little as the larger man shifted on top of him, pressing his arousal against him. The cab came to a stop in front of Jared's house.  


"Ahem," the cab driver said clearing his throat. "I think this is where you boys get off," he said chuckling.  


Jensen shook his head at the corny joke but smiled and handed the driver his fare, including a very generous tip. Jensen fumbled for Jared's keys and quickly led him into his house trying not to get any more soaked than he already was. Once they were through the door, Jared was back on him, kissing him and trying to get his shirt off. As much as he'd pictured this and wanted it for months, Jensen knew that this probably wasn't the best time for his fantasy to be coming true. If he was going to have Jared, he wanted sober Jared who was conscious of his decisions, not drunk Jared who was cheating on his fiance. Jensen pulled back and tried to lead Jared into the kitchen.  


"Come on Jaybird. Let's get some water in you."  


"I don't want any water," Jared said petulantly.  


"Well how about something to eat?"  


Jensen opened the fridge and began looking around, but was startled by arms on his waist. He turned around and saw that Jared had taken his shirt off and tossed it onto the floor. Jared began kissing his neck, and Jensen felt his resolve begin to weaken.  


"Hey slow down," Jensen said quietly.  


"Want this, want you," Jared whined softly.  


"Jare baby, you're drunk, I'm just trying to make sure you don't..."  


"I know what I'm doing," Jared interrupted.  


Jared grabbed Jensen's shirt and pulled him forward to kiss him again. He turned the shorter man around and pressed him up against the counter, rocking their pelvises together.  


"This isn't a good idea," Jensen said gently pushing him away.  


"Why?"  


"Why? Because you're practically engaged."  


"I didn't say yes to him Jensen."  


"You didn't?"  


"I told him I needed to think about it. It's a big step. Huge. I'd have to sell my house, move my business, leave all my friends. I'd have to leave you. Ever since I walked into your office I can't imagine my life without you. Things with Matt are complicated, and when I'm with you everything just seems so much easier. I can be myself with you. My real self."  


A million thoughts were racing through Jensen's head. He finally had Jared in his arms, wanting him, and telling him that it was over with Matt, and yet something wasn't right. His insecurities began creeping their way to the front of his brain. _What are you doing? If you keep this up you're going to hurt him. Your marriage failed because you don't know how to love someone. Jared deserves better than you._  


"I think you should say yes," Jensen said quietly.  


"What?" Jared asked in disbelief.  


"I don't want you to say no because of me."  


Jared stepped back like Jensen had hit him. He fumbled for his shirt and pulled it back on. Jensen reached for his arm and he pulled it away.  


"Fuck you Jensen," Jared snapped. "You know, I was happy before you came back into my life and messed with my head. Taking care of me when I was drunk, serenading me at karaoke, kissing me back! You made me think you cared about me, that you wanted me, and now you're telling me I should marry someone else? You're unbelievable! When I first saw you again I was so worried about what you thought of me. I spent all this time thinking that you'd read my letter and hated me or something when in reality you couldn't even be bothered to read it all. Which I guess speaks volumes about you and our relationship."  


"Jared what was in this letter? You told me before that it wasn't important."  


"It's not important now. And looking back, it was probably nothing you didn't already know. You know the effect you have on me. It's the same as it always was. You keep me around because it makes you feel good about yourself to have me paying all that attention to you. Well this isn't college anymore. I'm not going to keep pining after you hoping that you'll throw me some scrap of affection every now and then. Get the fuck out of my house."  


"Jared. I just...I don't want..." Jensen began.  


"Get out."  


Jensen grabbed his keys off the table and walked to the door. He paused with his hand on the knob and turned around. Jared was watching him, his eyes bright with tears. He suddenly picked something off the counter and looked at Jensen.  


"By the way, I made you a fucking mix CD," Jared said throwing the CD case at the door. It left a mark, and Jensen crouched to pick it up. He looked back at Jared and began to say something. He needed to say something, anything to fix this. But nothing came out.  


"Jensen, please just leave," Jared said, his voice cracking.  


Jensen turned the knob and with one last look at the other man and went back out into the storm. Jared slid down against the fridge, sinking to the floor. He sobbed listening to the sound of the rain on the windows.  


Outside Jensen sat in his car, forehead resting on the steering wheel. _See? You hurt him anyway. Jared is better off and you know it. You did the right thing not dragging him into one of your screwed up excuses of a relationship._ Jensen slammed his fist on the dashboard.  


"I'm sorry Jaybird."


	11. Chapter 11

A week after his birthday Jared was laying on his couch half asleep when he felt cold water being splashed on his face. He sat straight up and blinked through his wet hair to see Chad standing with an empty glass in his hand.  


"What the fuck Chad?!"  


"You need to get up man. You're in the same place you were when I left you like two days ago."  


"So?" Jared said slumping back onto the couch.  


"So you can't live like this dude. I know you're upset about what happened with Jensen. And with Matt. But you gotta move on. Love yourself before someone can love you and all that shit."  


Jared gave a mirthless chuckle. "That's easy for you to say. You don't care about all this touchy feely romance stuff."  


"I don't know, I've thought about getting married you know? The wife, kids, the whole shebang. Maybe I spend so much time joking about how I don't want it because I think I'll never have it. Granted it's going to take quite a woman to tame the Chad, but if I did find her I would hold onto her that's for sure."  


"What if Matt was my only chance for happiness?" Jared said quietly.  


Chad shook his head. "I don't believe that. But if you do...you could still work it out with him. Marry him, move to San Francisco if that's what you want. Or..."  


"Or what?" Jared asked.  


"What about Jensen?" Chad asked, leaning on the arm of the couch.  


"Jensen doesn't want me. He pushed me away."  


"Yeah, when he thought you were gonna marry someone else. Give the guy a break."  


"I haven't heard from him since my birthday."  


"You could call him too," Chad pointed out.  


Jared looked at the date on his phone. "He went back to his hometown. His sister is getting married."  


"Maybe he'll catch the bouquet and come back and with a new perspective."  


"Maybe."  


Chad studied Jared's face. He could tell he was really hurting, but he didn't know how to make it better. It was easy when the guys were just pricks Jared was seeing casually and he could go off about how they probably had tiny dicks and wore way too much cologne, but this was serious.  


"Or maybe you don't go after either of them. Be on your own for a little bit."  


"I don't know if I remember how to do that," Jared admitted.  


Chad smiled. "I'll be there to help you through it. I've been doing it for years."  


"Thanks."  


"I'm going to start by getting you off the couch. You need to go out. Do something with yourself. Take Sadie for a walk. She's probably going stir crazy too."  


"She has been avoiding me the last couple days. I think even she is tired of dealing with my crap."  


"You also kind of smell. So maybe shower before going out in public."  


"That's probably a good idea," Jared said, sniffing his shirt.  


Chad looked serious again. "All kidding aside, I'm not going to tell you how to live your life. I'll give you advice if you ask for it, and I'm going to support your decisions, as long as they're not monumentally stupid. Just be good to yourself ok? I know that some things seem like the easier choice, but that doesn't make them the right one. I don't want to see you settle for something ok, when you could be missing out on great. You deserve great things dude."  


"Are you sure you don't want to date me Chad?" Jared joked.  


"No thanks man. Although you probably give great head. Check back with me in a few months."  


"I'll make sure to do that."  


Chad gave Jared a quick hug before pushing him away. "Now go take a fucking shower, you smell like shit."  


Jared chuckled and walked down the hall to the bathroom leaving Chad alone. Chad sprawled out on the couch and felt something hard under his back. He pulled out the sketchbook Jensen had given Jared. He flipped it open and saw various sketches, some house ideas, a few of Sadie, one of Chad himself, and then quite a few of Jensen. They were really good, especially since he figured they were drawn from memory. He didn't know much about art, but he could tell that the attention to detail was incredible. Jared was totally gone for this guy and it was obvious.  


"Ackles you better not fuck this up," Chad said aloud

 

 _ **Meanwhile in another part of Texas...**_  
The ceremony was over and reception was in full swing. All the speeches were over, the cake was cut, and the obligatory wedding party photos were taken. After being forced to dance with more than one elderly relative, his older brother came over to cut in. Jensen took his chance to sneak out and head back to his parents house. His parents had thought it would be nice to have an after party at their house for closer friends and family since the reception would be over pretty early for their typical party standards. He was eager to get there and relax with a glass of whiskey or five.  


As he pulled into the driveway an idea occurred to him. He shut off the car and walked around the side of the house to the garage. He turned on the light and began looking through the boxes that were stored in there. There was stuff from high school, art that he and his siblings did in preschool, old sports trophies, and all kinds of other things. After a bit of a search he found what he was looking for. Several boxes were marked as "Jensen's College Things". He opened the first one and began digging through it. It was mostly full of old papers and folders. The second had similar items and also his id card and lanyard from his internship. He opened the last box and found some knickknacks from his room. Posters, a Cowboys pennant, and some photos. Him and Jason, Mike and Tom, several of Nicole, one of Chad in a wig, and a few of him and Jared. Looking at the photo even just for a minute made his heart ache. _It has to be in here_ , he thought. He dug through the rest of the box, and there at the bottom was an envelope with his name on it. He took a deep breath. _This is it. This is what Jared's been waiting for you to read for twelve years_. He opened the envelope and began to read.

Dear Jensen,  
First off I want to congratulate you on graduation. I never doubted that you'd do it, but I know there were times you thought you might not. You need to have as much faith in yourself as I do. Confidence Ackles. I know you'll be great at whatever you do because you're awesome. I just want to make sure that you know that.  
I've been thinking a lot about the conversation we had the other day. It broke my heart to hear you talking the way that you were about Nicole. You deserve better than that. I want you to be happy. You are such a caring, gentle, loving man Jensen. You deserve someone who is going to value you and who loves you enough to treat you the way I know you'd treat them. I get what you were saying about how sometimes you have to be selfish in relationships to survive, but to be honest I think that's crap. Yes you need to take care of yourself, but maybe being in love is about finding someone to be selfish for you. They're making sure to put you first while you're putting them first. I'm worried that you're trying so hard to make your relationship work and not repeat your parents' mistakes that you're letting her walk all over you. It's supposed to be a give and take Jensen, and I just don't want you to end up being all give.  
I love you Jensen, and I'm not writing this because I expect you to love me back. That would be great if you did, but that's not why I'm doing this. I'm doing this because I need you to know that you're amazing, and you deserve better than the type of love you're being given, or what you're settling for. I wanted this letter to be something for you to read and keep so that when you feel down or discouraged you know that somebody loves you. Be happy Jensen. I wish you luck in everything that you do, and I'm going to miss the hell out of you. You have so much going for you and I hope you get everything you want.  
Love Jared

Jensen sat back on his heels. _So this is what Jared was talking about. No wonder he was so upset. He basically told me he was in love with me and I ignored it. He loved me that whole time and I was too much of an idiot to realize it, and now it's too late_. Jensen was startled by a voice behind him.  


"What are you hiding from Jensen Ackles?"  


Jensen turned around to see his beautiful ex-wife in the doorway of the garage. He got up to give her a hug.  


"Good to see you Danni."  


"I saw your car , but you weren't inside. Then I saw the light on out here. What are you doing?"  


"Just going through some old boxes. Stuff from college that I never went through when..." Jensen trailed off.  


"When we were married? It's ok to say it Jensen. We were together a long time. Just because it didn't work out doesn't mean that I'd take it back. Sometimes you need someone to help you grow and get ready for the person you're really meant to be with."  


"How **is** Chris?" Jensen asked.  


"He's good."  


"And Carter?"  


"He's good too. He's finally out of the "terrible twos" so I can't tell you how much quieter it's been."  


"That's great. I'm really happy for you all," Jensen said sincerely.  


Danneel held Jensen's gaze for a moment. "What's wrong Jensen?"  


"Nothing. I'm fine."  


"You can't lie to me. I was married to you for seven years. I can tell when something's wrong."  


Jensen sighed and sat back down on one of the totes. Danneel sat next to him and picked up the box he'd been digging through. She pulled out the picture of Jensen and Jared.  


"So I take it this is Jared?" she asked.  


"How do you know about Jared? I never mentioned him did I?"  


"Besides a couple comments here and there when I first met you, like where you got that stupid tiger, no. But I have heard a lot about more about him lately. Mac was really hoping you'd be bringing him to the wedding."  


"I didn't realize you guys still talked that much. About me anyway."  


"I care about you Jensen, and I want to see you happy. You're terrible at keeping in touch, so sue me for checking up on you. Now what's the deal with this Jared guy? You were friends in college, lost touch, and then twelve years later you meet up again get together?"  


"Not exactly. I met him my senior year. He was a freshman, and we just hit it off. I got along with him better than anyone I'd met in years. Maybe ever," Jensen admitted.  


"Were you attracted to him then?" Danneel asked.  


"I don't know. I think so. I wasn't really sure of who I was back then. I was in a really terrible relationship that at the time seemed like the best I was going to get."  


"And what about Jared? Was he out?"  


"Yeah. I remember when I met him he seemed so sure of who he was already. Like where he stood in the world and what he wanted out of his life. I was kind of in awe of him. Here I was a senior bound for the real world, no idea what to expect, and I meet this kid who has everything all planned out for himself and seemed to have everything together. He was a really good friend to me. Probably better than I deserved. The one thing he didn't really support was my relationship with Nicole, which he was right not to."  


"He was head over heels for you you idiot. And you had no idea," Danneel said smacking Jensen in the head.  


"It's funny, I remember telling him that one day he was going to meet a guy who was going to be so in love with him," Jensen said with a sad smile.  


"And now that guy is you?"  


"Yeah. But I screwed it up."  


"What happened?"  


"We kissed, and things were...escalating and I stopped it. It was just happening so fast, and I thought he was too drunk, and I didn't want him to regret it, and I was all caught up in my head. So I freaked out and...I told him to marry his boyfriend."  


"Why would you tell him that?!" Danneel exclaimed.  


"Because I'm screwed up!" Jensen said, emotion causing his voice to crack. "I'm broken Danni, I don't know what I want or how to be in a functional relationship and I'm not going to drag him into that. He deserves better than that. He deserves better than me."  


The pair sat quietly and Danneel saw tears slipping down Jensen's face. She pulled a tissue out of her purse and handed it to him. She rubbed his back until he stopped shaking and the crying had subsided.  


"I don't agree with most of what you said. Yeah you're screwed up, but we're all screwed up. I'm sitting here giving romantic advice to my gay ex-husband. I'd say **that's** pretty screwed up. It's a relative term. And as for being broken, maybe it's not about fixing yourself so much as it's allowing yourself to be fixed. Letting somebody in enough to take care of you. You're a good man Jensen, but you've got stronger walls than anyone I've ever met. And you do know what you want. You want Jared. So go get him."  


"Do you think he'll forgive me?"  


"Honey if everything I've heard is true, I think he's just waiting for you to tell him how you feel."  


Jensen stood up and put out a hand to held Danneel up. "Do you think you can cover for me?"  


"What for?" Danneel asked.  


Jensen smiled. "I need to go get my man."  


"Then yes, I will definitely cover for you in the name of love."  


"Thanks for everything Danni."  


Jensen gave Danneel a kiss on the cheek and ran to his car. If he broke the speed limit he could be home in a few hours. That would give him plenty of time to think of what to say to Jared, he just hoped the other man would want to hear it.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just one more after this. I'll probably post it later today. Thank you all again for your comments and support. Small warning that this chapter is a little graphic, but that's what everyone was waiting for right?

Jensen rushed into Chad's bar hours later in a panic. Chad looked up in surprise as he saw the other man run in.

"Have you seen Jared?" Jensen asked breathlessly.

"That depends. Why are you looking for him?"

"I'm not in the mood to play games Murray."

"Neither am I when it comes to my friend's well being."

"I just want to talk to him."

"You had your shot Jensen. Twice now. I let you go before, and I told you not to screw things up for him. He had a good thing going with Matt. Not to mention I appreciated the free legal advice. He gave you a chance and you blew him off. You really hurt him man. So what are you doing here?" Chad asked eyeing Jensen suspiciously.

"He hasn't returned any of my calls or texts and I went to his house and he wasn't there. His neighbor told me she saw him leaving this morning with bags and Sadie. He's probably getting ready to move away with Matt, and I'm too late right? I want to be happy for him, I do, I just would have liked to see him one last time. I know I screwed up and I was going to tell him how sorry I am, and that I would do whatever it takes to see if we can make this work. I love him Chad. Can you just tell him that I...that I want to see him?" Jensen pleaded.

"Tell him yourself. He's upstairs," Chad said with a glint in his eye.

"What?" Jensen asked in disbelief.

"Yeah. Sadie got fleas or something at the dog park so he has to have his place fumigated. He's spending the night here."

"Then why did you let me think he was gone forever with Matt?"

"I thought you deserved to squirm," Chad replied with his trademark smirk.

"You really are a bastard aren't you?" 

"It's been said. I'm just looking out for him. But it's not my choice if he wants to be with you or Matt or Big Bird. That's up to him. All I can say is that if you hurt him I'm going to kill you okay?"

"Okay."

 

Jensen ran up the steps to Chad's apartment and banged on the door. After no one answered the first couple times he was about to give up hope or just break in, when Jared opened the door. Jared looked surprised and then angry. He went to slam the door shut but Jensen reached his hand out to stop it.

"Jared wait."

"What are you doing here Jensen?"

"I had to see you. You weren't answering my texts or calls."

"Don't you think that meant I didn't want to **see** you either?" Jared snapped.

"I needed to talk to you. I'm sorry Jared. I know I hurt you, and I know I don't deserve another chance, but I had to come here anyway. And even if you don't have anything to say to me, just listen ok?" Jensen looked at Jared pleadingly, hoping he wouldn't shut the door. When he didn't he took a deep breath and started speaking the words he'd gone over and over on his car ride.

"When my parents split up that messed me up more than I knew at the time. And even before that I could see how unhappy they made each other. I never wanted to be like that and I thought that making sure my happiness wasn't dependent on someone else was the way to do that. I've been walking around with that notion in my mind all this time and I think that's what kept me from really giving in to being in love with someone. I never let myself be open to the idea that someone would want to take care of me. I wanna be selfish for you, and I want **you** to be selfish for me. I want to trust you with my happiness and my heart. I'm an idiot for not realizing it sooner, or telling you when I did. I'm just really scared, because I...I love you Jared. I love you so much."

Jared stared at Jensen in silence for a few moments before Jensen spoke again. "Can you say something? Preferably something good, but I'll take anything at this point."

"You read my letter," Jared said smiling.

Jensen broke into a relieved grin and nodded. "Yeah, I did." Jensen put his hand on Jared's cheek and angled his head down to kiss him. 

When their lips met Jared let out a happy little noise and slipped his hands around Jensen's back. He pulled Jensen into the apartment and continued kissing him with fervor. They toppled onto the couch, making out like teenagers and rutting against each other. Suddenly Jared pulled away.

"Wait wait. We need to stop," Jared said breathlessly.

"You're right. We should talk about this before it goes any further," Jensen agreed.

Jared tugged Jensen back to him and gave him a quick kiss. "Oh fuck that. I just meant Chad will kill us if we have sex in his apartment. Can we go back to your place?"

"What about Sadie?"

"Chad can handle watching her for one night."

 

They were barely into Jensen's apartment before Jared was all over the other man.

"I love you Jen. I love you, I love you, I love you," he murmured in between kisses. 

"I love you too Jay. And believe me, I want this, but I kind of pictured our first time in a bed, not on my kitchen floor."

"Then what are we waiting for?" Jared asked, dragging Jensen into the bedroom. He pushed him onto the bed and quickly removed his shirt and jeans. Jensen removed his own shirt but before he could get a hand on his jeans he had Jared on top of him attempting to do it for him. 

"Don't get me wrong, I love looking at you in tight jeans but these are a bitch to get off," Jared commented after struggling for a minute.

Jensen chuckled and tried to assist Jared in getting his pants off. Finally the pants were thrown to the floor and both men were left in their underwear. Jared crawled back up to beginning kissing Jensen again. He ground his pelvis into the other man, enjoying the feeling of their cocks rubbing against each other through the cotton, but wanting desperately to be naked against Jensen. He broke the kiss long enough to remove his underwear and drag Jensen's down too. He took one look at the completely naked man in front of him and exhaled deeply.

"You're fucking gorgeous."

"That's supposed to be my line sweetheart," Jensen said pulling Jared to his mouth briefly. 

Jared began kissing Jensen's neck, nipping and licking at the column of his throat, and rubbing his hands over Jensen's chest, paying particular attention to his responsive nipples. He eagerly rubbed his erection against Jensen's, precome slicking the way, giving him just the right amount of delicious friction. After a few minutes though he decided it wasn't enough.

"I need more. I need you Jen."

"You're quite the toppy little bottom aren't you?"

"I just know what I want. I'm all for exploring any kinks later, but right now I need you to fuck me. I've been waiting for this for twelve years, that's enough foreplay for me."

Jensen chuckled. "Well you're going to have to suffer through a little bit more, because I'm not doing anything until I at least prep you a little bit."

Jensen gently pushed Jared off of him and laid him down on the bed. He fumbled around in his bedside drawer for some lube, hoping that he had some, because that would certainly spoil the mood. He finally found it and turned back to Jared triumphantly. His breath hitched in his throat a little at the sight of Jared stretched out on his bed, face flushed and cock red and dripping for him. He moved back onto the bed and gave Jared a quick kiss before slicking up his fingers. He slid the first finger into Jared's tight heat and began to move slowly in and out.

"Jen come on, I can take more than that," Jared whined, squirming under Jensen.

Jensen distracted him by placing a hasty kiss to his lips, and then kissing his way down Jared's neck. He sucked and bit at the skin there, earning him a little whimper from the other man. Against better judgement Jensen slid a second finger inside Jared. He scissored them back and forth until he felt Jared relax enough to push deeper. 

"That's it baby boy. Shit Jay, so hot the way you're opening up for me. Can't wait to be inside you."

"God Jensen I want you so bad. I don't think I've ever been this horny in my entire life."

Jensen laughed. "The feeling is mutual."

As he prepared to add a a third finger, he distracted Jared from the burn with more dirty talk. "You sure you won't let me suck you? I want to do it so bad Jay. Take that big fucking cock all the way into my throat. No? Another day then. Maybe tomorrow morning I'll wake you up by sucking you off. Would you like that? Or would you rather I sucked this sweet little hole I'm fingering? Bet you taste so good sweetheart. I'm gonna spend a day just opening you up with my tongue, turning you into a begging mess, just shaking with pleasure for hours. I've got so many ideas for you I could probably go on all night. But first, we're going to make love baby boy."

Jared had been moaning and panting through most of this and Jensen had worked a third finger inside of him and was freely moving them in and out. He decided that Jared was ready enough, mostly because he knew the other man would kill him if he didn't get on with it. He removed his fingers, much to Jared's disapproval and sat up. He grabbed a condom from the drawer and sat back to open it. Jared moved to stop him.

"You don't have to. I always used condoms with Matt. I know it's kind of corny but I don't want anything between us for our first time. If you want to use them after that we can, I just...I want to feel you this time. Is that...it's weird right?"

Jensen looked at Jared, shaking his head in disbelief. "The things you say... you're so adorably sexy. If that's what you want, we won't use one. And I'm clean by the way, I would never risk your health if I wasn't."

"I know," Jared said smiling up at him.

"How do you want to..." Jensen asked, trailing off.

"Jen I don't care, I just want you in me before I explode."

It was a funny thing, Jensen had been with a lot of people. He had had random sex with a lot of guys, and he always made sure they were satisfied, usually more so than he even was. But he had never asked one what position they preferred, or even really cared. Sex was normally so rushed and frantic that it just never came up. He'd had good sex, even great sex with people but he'd never cared so much about what his partner wanted as right now with Jared underneath him, and he didn't want to disappoint him.

"If you really don't care...I think I want to do it laying down behind you."

Jared was surprised, he'd always found the position a little overrated, but maybe that was because he wasn't doing it with the right person. When he felt Jensen spoon up behind him, his cock riding between his cheeks, and his lips on his neck, he thought maybe he was wrong about it being overrated. Jensen's one arm was looped around him pulling him close, and his other hand was was on his cheek turning his head to face him.

"I love you Jay."

"I love you too Jen."

Jensen kissed him one more time before pushing inside him. He heard Jared let out a small groan and paused to let him adjust to being so full. Once Jared began moving back into him, he knew he was good to begin thrusting. He started out slow, mostly grinding and rocking into Jared's body, holding him close against him. 

"God Jay," Jensen breathed.

He started thrusting a little harder, kissing Jared's neck and shoulders. He moved one hand down to wrap around Jared's cock, slowly moving his hand up and down.

"Does it feel good baby boy?"

"Feels amazing. You're so deep."

Jensen smiled and pressed his mouth to Jared's, biting his lower lip before slipping his tongue inside. Jensen liked kissing in general, one of the reasons he liked this position was that he was able to get a really good angle that felt good for both people, but also that he was close and able to kiss his partner during the act easily. He would never say no to bending Jared over the kitchen table either if he asked, but he was a sucker for the intimacy of what they were currently doing. He ran his thumb over the crown of Jared's dick, earning him a cry of pleasure from the other man. He felt Jared's balls tightening and he knew Jared was getting close.

"Jen, I'm gonna come," Jared moaned.

"Want you to Jay. Wanna feel you coming apart. Come for me sweetheart," Jensen murmured into Jared's ear while picking up the pace that he was stroking Jared's length.

"Jensen!" Jared cried out as he spilled over Jensen's hand. 

As Jared came he clenched on Jensen's cock, and the impossible tightness sent Jensen over the edge. He gave a few more thrusts before coming deep inside Jared. He leaned in panting against Jared's broad shoulders, then mouthing and kissing at his neck. He turned Jared's head to face him. Jared's lips were swollen from kissing and biting his lip when he came, but the sight only made Jensen want to kiss him more. He gave him a quick peck. He eased his way out of Jared and then rolled over and got out of bed.

"You're lucky you just fucked my brains out or I'd be a little mad you're ditching me already," Jared said.

"I'm just getting something to clean us up."

Jensen came back with a wet washcloth and gently stroked it over Jared's body. After he finished he set the cloth down and climbed back into bed. He settled himself against Jared, stroking his arm lightly.

"I feel kind of shitty only asking about it now, but, what about Matt?"

Jared smiled. "I told him it was over. When I didn't accept his proposal right away I think we both knew it was over. He seemed a little relieved actually. I think he really only did it to try to keep me. He's not ready to settle down. He loves his job. I'm not saying that he didn't or doesn't love me, I just wasn't the one who made him want to give it all up. I'm sure he'll get there, he really is a great guy, just not the guy for me."

They lay in silence for a few minutes just enjoying the feeling of being together. Jensen brushed a kiss across Jared's forehead and then looked down where his head was resting on his chest.

"Are you tired?" Jensen asked.

"Kind of."

"You're hungry aren't you?"

"Starving," Jared admitted sheepishly.

"Come on, we can get a pizza or something," Jensen said trying to pull Jared up.

"Your bed is so comfortable though."

"If you get up we can take a shower together while we wait for the pizza," Jensen said flirtatiously.

"I want pepperoni and sausage. Make sure no onions," Jared said, practically springing out of the bed and heading for the bathroom.

Jensen shook his head and felt himself grinning. He didn't know that he'd ever been this happy. He reached for his phone so he could order the pizza and then join Jared in the shower. 

 

"Ow, fuck!"

Jared woke up the next morning to the sound of Jensen crying out in pain. He opened his eyes and saw Jensen standing by the foot of the bed rubbing his shin. 

"Good morning sunshine," Jared said smiling.

Jensen looked up, grimace slowly fading from his face. "Hi. I tripped over our shoes and banged into the side of the bed. I was trying to surprise you," Jensen said gesturing at the tray he'd set down at the end of the bed. "I don't think I ruined anything, but it looks like the syrup that I put on the side spilled onto the pancakes already."

"That's ok. You're just saving me the hassle of having to do it myself right? Now come back to bed and feed me pancakes," Jared said, sitting up and patting the spot next to him on the bed.

Jensen sat down next to him and placed the tray across their laps. He did feed Jared pancakes, sneaking some bites for himself of course. After they were finished eating, Jensen placed the tray on the nightstand and rolled back over to trade syrup-flavored kisses with Jared. They made out for a little while and then suddenly Jensen pulled away.

"So what now?" Jensen asked, looking at Jared intently.

"Like I said yesterday, your bed is very comfortable so I'm hoping I can convince you to stay in bed until lunch time. Then I'll let you out to make me a grilled cheese or something, and then I'll drag you right back here," Jared laughed, pulling the other man back down to kiss him.

Jensen pulled back again and sat back on his heels. "Well that sounds like an excellent plan, but I kind of meant after today. Like the big picture."

Jared's face got serious. He sat up to look Jensen in the eyes. "Ok. Big picture, I want to have breakfast with you every morning for the foreseeable future, and then some. When is your lease up?"

"Uh, November 1st," Jensen answered.

"You should move in with me," Jared stated simply.

"You don't think that's moving too fast?" Jensen asked.

"No Mr. Committmentphobe, I don't think it's too fast. We've practically been dating for months." Jared softened his voice a little. "And I already feel like we lost out on twelve years we could have been together. I don't want to waste anymore time."

Jensen looked at Jared's expectant face. He was worried that moving in together so quickly would change something in their relationship, or that Jared would decide after spending so much time with him that he didn't want him anymore. As he watched how Jared's face dropped, he felt a tug at his heart and he knew it wasn't something that he needed to worry about.

"It's ok, if you don't want to.." Jared began.

Jensen cut him off with a kiss. "Can I start moving my stuff in sooner?"

"How soon?" Jared asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Like today."

"Maybe tomorrow. I have bigger plans for you today," Jared answered, pushing his now boyfriend down onto the bed and climbing on top.


	13. Epilogue and Soundtrack

**_Epilogue: A year and a half later_ **

"Thank you guys so much for helping us move everything in. It really saved us a lot of money doing it ourselves," Jared said, leading Chad and Felicia out the door. The rest of their friends had left earlier after receiving their payment of pizza and beer.

"No problem man. The house is great," Chad replied.

"It really is. You did a great job with the design. It's perfect for you guys," Felicia said.

"Thanks again. We'll see you this weekend then for the official housewarming right?"

"You bet your sweet ass! Dr. Feelgood said he's inviting that new therapist in their office. Said she has a great rack."

"I don't think Jensen said that," Felicia argued. "But Sophia is very attractive."

"Either way I'll be there bro. See you this weekend," Chad said waving goodbye.

Jared waved goodbye to his friends and shut the door of the new house he'd designed and had renovated for him and Jensen. He'd wanted a new house, but Jensen liked the charm of older houses, so they had compromised on a renovation of a more classic house. There result was perfect for the two of them. He walked into their kitchen and began unpacking some of the boxes. Several minutes later he heard footsteps behind him and then Jensen's voice.

"Oh here's Daddy," Jensen cooed, while bouncing their little girl in his arms.

Jared smiled. "How's my little jellybean?"

"About ready for bed I think. But she wanted to see you first."

Jensen had proposed about two months after they moved in together and Jared had no doubts this time on whether to say yes or not. In fact most of the people who were at Chad's that night probably won't soon forget how Jared had almost knocked Jensen out tackling him in a hug to say yes. They'd had a small but nice ceremony at Jensen's parents house with just family and some close friends. Shortly after, they'd begun discussing starting a family. Both men liked the idea of adoption but the waiting list they were put on was pretty extensive, so they had tossed around the idea of using a surrogate and revisiting adoption at a later time. Jared's sister Megan had agreed to be surrogate for them and soon they had Kara Ackles-Padalecki. Now that they were getting settled in their new home Jensen was pretty sure they would be taking the steps to adopt a sibling for Kara and Sadie. Jared had just been saying a few days before that Sadie wanted a little brother now too, so Jensen knew it was only a matter of time.

"I'll put her to bed if you want to keep unpacking the kitchen," Jared said taking the baby from his husband.

"You just want to get out of unpacking," Jensen teased.

"I'm shocked you'd accuse me of that. I just want to spend quality time with our little princess," Jared said kissing the top of her head. "And I hate unpacking," he laughed as he walked upstairs.

Jensen continued putting away their boxes of plates and kitchen utensils. About twenty minutes later Jared came up behind him and wrapped his arms around him.

"That isn't going to help us get the house unpacked," Jensen teased, turning around to face Jared.

"I know, but this is so much more fun."

"I'll make a deal with you, as soon as you find the coffeemaker so I can plug it in and set a timer for tomorrow morning, we can go upstairs."

Jared accepted the challenge and began speed unpacking boxes. An hour or so later they were finishing the last box when Jensen took another box out from the cabinet under their island. He reached inside and pulled out the coffeemaker.

"You tricked me! You knew where it was the whole time!" Jared exclaimed.

"I did. I'm sorry, I just really wanted to finish the kitchen," Jensen admitted.

"I can't believe you lied to me," Jared said pouting.

"I'm sorry sweetheart. But now the whole kitchen is done, and we can have coffee and waffles in our new house tomorrow morning."

Jared's pout didn't disappear, and he turned his head when Jensen tried to kiss him. Jensen slid an arm around his waist and pulled him close. "Come on. I'm sorry. I'll make it up to you. Let's go upstairs and I'll show you how sorry I am. How does that sound?"

"I don't know. That was a pretty mean trick."

"You're right. It was very wrong of me, and I think I should have to pay for that," Jensen said in a husky voice. "And I have just the right punishment. I'm going to take you up to our big bed, lay you down and lick and suck you until you're coming all over yourself or you forgive me. Eat out that tasty little hole of yours until you forget what a mean husband I am."

Jared cracked a smile. "That's not really a punishment for you though is it?"

"Not really. Love making you come," Jensen said, kissing Jared's nose. "Will you let me do it anyway?"

"I guess so. As long as you promise to fuck me after. I want to make love in our bed on the the first night in our new house."

"Deal," Jensen agreed. "I love you Jared."

"I'm still getting waffles tomorrow right?" Jared asked.

"Yes."

"Then I love you too. Now let's go to bed."

**_The End_**

 

These are the mix CDs that Jared and Jensen made for each other in the story

 

**_Jensen's CD_**  
1\. Eye of the Tiger- Survivor  
2\. Ziggy Stardust- David Bowie  
3\. All I Need is a Miracle-Mike and the Mechanics  
4\. Life's Been Good- Joe Walsh  
5\. Landslide- Fleetwood Mac  
6\. Ride Like the Wind- Christopher Cross  
7\. Rock n Roll Never Forgets- Bob Seger  
8\. Hands Down- Dashboard Confessional  
9\. Hook- Blues Traveler  
10\. You Make My Dreams- Hall and Oates  
11\. Your Love- The Outfield  
12\. Solsbury Hill- Peter Gabriel  
13\. Crazy Love- Van Morrison  
14\. Killer Queen- Queen  
15\. Closer to the Heart- Rush  
16\. Cute Without the E- Taking Back Sunday  
17\. If You Want Blood- AC/DC  
18\. Renegade- Styx  
19\. Carry On My Wayward Son- Kansas  
20\. Einstein on the Beach- Counting Crows

 

**_Jared's CD_**  
1\. Just Breathe- Pearl Jam  
2\. Mess is Mine- Vance Joy  
3\. Back in Black-AC/DC  
4\. I Am Human- Brian Buckley Band  
5\. If It Means A Lot to You- A Day to Remember  
6\. Crooked Teeth- Deathcab for Cutie  
7\. What is My Life- George Harrison  
8\. Even if it Kills Me- Motion City Soundtrack  
9\. Flaws- Bastille  
10\. High Society- Betty Who  
11\. Latch- Sam Smith  
12\. Weightless- All Time Low  
13\. No Ones Gonna Love You- Band of Horses  
14, Jukebox Hero- Foreigner  
15\. Crazy- Kat Dahlia  
16\. Brighter- Morgan Taylor Reid  
17\. Come Out of the Shade- The Perishers  
18\. Home Again- Ron Pope  
19\. Sunshine in Your Eyes- OhMy!  
20\. Demons- Imagine Dragons  
21\. Wild- Troye Sivan

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the end! I'm a little sad that it's over, but it's also the longest fic I've ever written, and I'm happy that I actually finished it. I normally get an idea and start to run with it and just lose interest, so I'm glad that I finished this one and that people enjoyed it. I have a couple of ideas brewing for other J2 fics, so hopefully you'll check those out too and like them just as much. I can't thank you guys enough for your nice comments and kudos while I was writing this.


End file.
